Crazy Lady in Vegas

I know something you don't know...

2007-01-18T10:47:00.000-08:00

Neener, neener, neener!

Something exciting is about to happen. I cannot wait to share it with you! But you will wait, just like the rest of us.

I'm a crabby crazy lady tonight

2007-01-15T20:42:00.000-08:00

Grrr - I am so ticked off tonight, and for a change it is not work related. Heck - it is not even child related, but I do admit that the kids are getting the brunt of my crabbies. And I quote "If you don't stop talking and go to sleep right now - I swear you will go to bed after dinner every night this week!" See - I can be a mean mommy.

Oh yeah, back to why I am so damn crabby. Because I bought a new dishwasher three friggen weeks ago, and I am still having to hand wash my dishes! Because the stupid install guys don't know a dishwasher from their asses apparently. They delivered it, hooked it up, turned it on - it made noise, so they assumed it worked, and left. Two days later, once it was all full - I turned it on... No water. They didn't hook up the water properly. (and yes - I made sure the water was turned on under the sink, I am somewhat handy.) So I had to wait an entire week for them to come out "sometime between 8 and 5, but don't worry - we'll call first" They came - without calling. I wasn't home; I was foolishly taking all three kids to the dentist at once (note to self: never do that again) I wanted them to call 1st, so I could explain what was going on. Mark knew it wasn't working but didn't know what was wrong. SO Mark told the assmonkey who came out that it wasn't working. Assmonkey turned it on, said it works, and left. Never friggen checked so see if it gets water! Guess what - low and behold - we still have no water to the damn dishwasher. So I call again. The assmonkeys are closed today! ARGH! I am to the point that Home Depot can come get thir damn dishwasher, refund my money, and I will go to Lowes. I pity the poor
assmonkey who has to talk to me tomorrow - I don't think I will be very nice.

Suppose I can get them to throw in a manicure? Afer all, I now have dish pan hands?

Waiting on my gold star

2007-01-11T16:33:00.000-08:00

I have been patiently (don't laugh - I can be patient) waiting for my yearly review from Boss Lady. I thought it was suppose to in August. Yes, LAST August – 5 months ago. But I was informed, that since I was hired thru an agency, my review would be when I started with the company. November. So I waited until November. My “hire” date came and went. I waited a suitable amount of time, then checked with HR. Nope, not yet. Boss Lady hadn’t asked for my folder, but she was aware that it was time. So November passed with no review. December, I admit, I was so swamped for the month, I didn’t have much time to think about it, or ask her. On the times that I did think of it, she was in a pissy mood. (which seems to happen A LOT with her. I swear I have never met anyone who needs to get laid more.)

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I asked her about my review. She said she knows about it, but she has been "too busy" to do it and she will "get to it soon". Uh huh, that’s a load of crap.

How soon you may ask? Well, she didn’t give me a time frame. I'm guessing January will not work because the auditors will be here, then February will be a sort month, and March, the moon will be in wrong zenith, April is no good either, because she will be busy preparing to spread Easter joy. May? Nope mothers day - cannot do it then. June? yeah, June may be good - I'm sure she will get back to me on that.

The post in which I explain why I call the other sister-in-law the BAD sister-in-law

2007-01-10T16:16:00.000-08:00

I sent a question into the WE THREE BITCHES about gift giving. I made a comment in the letter, which I feel I should explain.
What do I need to explain? The whole drugs to my son thing? And even after 6 years, if I seem like I am maybe harboring a little hatred, bitterness, rage against her, maybe I am. Oh Hell, who am I kidding - yes I am.

My sister-in-law is a great actress. When Mark and I married, I liked her a lot. I thought she liked me. It was great. Then I found out that she actually hated me. I “Took her brother away from her” Theresa is the Sun and the rest of us should revolve around her. (yes, that is sarcasm) Then she started down her current road of “I’m a lesbian, no I’m not, yes I am, no I’m not” and “Golly gee, I have anorexia, I’ve never touched drugs in my life” (which cost her mother $40K to send her to anorexia camp, only to be kicked out for having a drug addiction, not anorexia at all)

Mark and I have always tried to minimize her roll in our lives, and the lives of our children. But it was always because we felt that she was not a good influence or roll model for our kids – not because we thought that they would be in danger from her. So I never let her watch the kids. One day, when Tristyn was 4, Jeanie, my MIL was watching him. She had a leave the house for something – I don’t recall what - and she left Tristyn with Theresa. My mom picked Tristyn up a little while later to take him to a movie. They left half way through, and she brought him home because of his behavior. Something she had never done before. Tristyn continued to behave terrible that day. Totally not like his usual self.

A few months later, Mark and Tristyn were sitting out side on a bench, when Mark yelled at me to come out to him. I could tell by his voice that something was wrong, so I went running out to him. He told Tristyn to tell mommy exactly what Tristyn had just told him. One day, Aunt Theresa took him out to the garage with some of her friends and they made him smoke something. It was long and glass, and hot. They all laughed at him when he coughed. He didn’t like it and thought it smelled. It made his throat hurt, and his eyes water. He had way too many details about drug paraphernalia, details which a young child would never know. Mark and I knew immediately what day it had to have been – the day that he was brought home from the movies. We did what any parent would do, we confronted Theresa, who (of course) denied it. It was a huge HUGE fight, but we were left with nothing we could do. It was to late to turn her in – we had the word of a 4 year old, verses a 24 year old. To make matters worse, my MIL decided to believe Theresa. Well, she ALWAYS believes Theresa. No matter how big and outrageous the lie, everything that comes out of Theresa mouth is gospel, to my MIL. There have been several times that this has been revisited over the years, and it is always the same, Tristyn was a big fat liar who had detailed knowledge of drugs at 4 years old. Yeah right.

Mark and I do not let Theresa watch the kids. EVER. I would sooner pay a bum off the street to watch my children than I would her. Thankfully, we live in a whole different state now.

I would say I have reason to not like my sister-in-law, wouldn’t you?

Honey, you knew this was coming....

2006-12-31T08:02:00.000-08:00

After my last mushy lovey-dovey post, I now get to share with you what I am currently laughing at my husband about!

Christmas Eve, the kids were all snug in their beds, and all us "grown ups" were in the garage, playing pool, some of us were maybe drinking a beer or 5, and putting together the Santa gifts. Mark asked Minhee how to say "Merry Christmas" in Korean. Minhee replied, "Oh, Same Thing".

Come on - now I know you want to say that in an asian accent. Go Ahead - give it a try! So, yes, Minhee said it like this (gotta say it a little fast) Ahsameting.

Now those beers mentioned before - some of them were comsumed by Mark. Minhee has a strong accent. You see where I'm going with this?

So Mark spent the night telling people Ahsameting! We had large party come by riding on a trailer piled high with hay bales singing Christmas Carrols. What did Mark yell at them? Yep! Ahsameting! The rest of us were laughing our asses off at him, before he realized what he was actually saying.

Ahsameting my friends, and a happy New Year!

2006-12-28T12:04:00.000-08:00

Does anyone know what they were wearing 15 years ago today? I know. I was wearing a beautiful white dress, a long white veil, and I was standing on an alter with the man of my dreams.

A lot has changed in 15 years. I am no longer the naïve 18 year old girl that I was then. Mark is no longer the fresh faced boy. We don’t love each other now, like we did then. That was young love; simple, fresh, new. Now, that love has grown so much, and is so much more complex.

Today, as corny as it may sound, I can honestly say I am married to my best friend. Mark and I have been thru things together that would make lesser couples fall apart. Instead, the trials that life has thrown at us, have only served to cement our relationship. Not many people can say they have spent more than half their life with the one they love. Mark and I can.

We can laugh at each other, and with each other. We know what the other one is thinking. We have good fights, and we know how to make up really well. We know when to push, and when to step back.

Mark, thank you for being by my side for all these years. Thank you for being my inner voice, my side kick, my back up, my cheer leader.

With that being said, my dearest husband, you are getting out of your sick bed, and taking me to see the Phantom of the Opera tonight, or I’m going with out you! Those tickets will not go to waste

Love you babe!

It pays to sleep with Santa

2006-12-26T09:15:00.000-08:00

Here is proof that I was very good this year. VERY VERY GOOD! This is my new "bling" which was delivered to me on Christmas Eve.

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-22T13:48:00.000-08:00

Well, I am getting ready to head home from work soon, and wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas, because I will not be having anytime to blog from home.
I am cleaning house tonight, My parents are coming in tomorrow and leaving Sunday. Then Sunday, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law (the bad, druggie, hates me SIL, not the good one) will be showing up and staying with us for Christmas. Oh Joy, Oh Merry. Send Prozac. PLEASE!

A letter to Santa - in his own words

2006-12-20T13:41:00.000-08:00

Dear st Nick,
All I want is a cris-crose. And even a new shirt and cloths. And a body pollow. . And a patriots pollowcase. And a patriot quilt and blanket. Thats all
love
Brenden!
I’ev ben a little bit bad.

This is the letter I was asked to send to Santa yesterday. Nothing like waiting until the last second. I left all the spelling as he had them. Not to bad for a kindergardener! He wrote the letter himself, with some help from his sister.
As for the requests - I have no idea what a criss cross is! He already is getting clothes, so no issues there, but a Patriots Blanket, pillow and quilt! With only 4 days left to shop? Ugh! I spent some "valuable work time" this morning calling around and found a sports store that has the Pats blanket, and is willing to hold it for me until this evening. So I am braving a Las Vegas mall. Sheesh, I must love that boy!

This? Fun!

2006-12-15T15:05:00.000-08:00

Thanks Jodi @ Blog-o-licious for sharing! I may have to show that one to the kids... Wait, I am invisioning having to listen to it playing on the computer over and over and over and over and over and over.... Ok. Maybe I won't be sharing it with them. Now don't you feel lucky that I shared it with you?

My fun Thursday....

2006-12-14T10:58:00.000-08:00

Wanna hear what I have been dealing with this morning. I know you do!

I had a member and his new wife sell their membership. I start to do the payoff to them… Apparently they didn't own it! It was owned by the former wife, now dead, and never moved to his name. She died 4 1/2 years ago. So now I have to call this man and tell him that I will have to write the check to the dead wife, or he has to send proof (like a will) that he owns. You it can’t sell something you don’t own. So I can write the check to the dead wife - obviously she is not using it now or I have to have proof that he owns it. You may ask: wouldn’t it get just go to him upon her death? Was it only in her name?

It was in the name of the Mrs. Richie McRich Richer than you Trust. Trusts can live on after the person has died.

Don’t you wish you were in my shoes this morning? I know you do!

Words of Wisdom

2006-12-12T17:47:00.000-08:00

YOU SHOULD NEVER BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU. It's not kind. It's not sanitary. And rabies shots hurt like the dickens.
~Rowlf the Dog

2006-12-12T13:46:00.000-08:00

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I'll take a little cheese with the whine

2006-12-11T12:42:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I'm not that exciting right now. I haven’t been posting much. I'm not in the holiday spirit right now. I’m more like “meh, whatever.” I have the sinus infection from hell, I am over buried under an avalanche of work, I have a social calendar that would make Paris Hilton green with envy. Fine. maybe not Paris, because to the best of my knowledge, everyone one of these events will involve people keeping their panties firmly in place.

So stick with me people. I am on my way to the doctor to get some ass-kicking drugs, and then home to get some sleep. I promise, I will try to be exciting and fun soon. And if anyone looses their panties, you’ll be the first to know. Cross my heart.

Text messages between Spears and Hilton

2006-12-06T20:38:00.000-08:00

Ok - so I took this off of MSN - but it is so stinking funny, how could I not share?

Nov. 24
BritBrit (8:27:55 PM): hey y’all!

Heirhead (8:28:01 PM): b! So glad you axed FedEx!!!

BritBrit (8:30:03 PM): Thanks! I’m ready for some fun! Woot!

Heirhead (8:30:14 PM): We should hang out

BritBrit (8:35:33 PM): YAY!

Heirhead (8:35:45 PM): RU going2 Hyde l8r?

BritBrit (8:37:15 PM): What are you saying?!

Heirhead (8:37:38 PM): ARE YOU going TO Hyde LATER?

BritBrit (8:40:05 PM): TOTALLY!!1!! What are you wearing tonight?

Heirhead (8:40:55 PM): blue Chloe halter dress. U?

BritBrit (8:43:09 PM): I got this cute green mini and a matching thong.

Heirhead (8:43:47 PM): OMG! Ditch the thong!

Nov. 25
Heirhead (4:30:10 PM): did you see the pics? U are hot!

BritBrit (4:33:25 PM): My mom is sooo freaked!

Heirhead (4:33:55 PM): haha

BritBrit (4:35:01 PM): Not funny!!!1!

Heirhead (4:35:36 PM): Wanna go to Manx 2nite?

BritBrit (4:37:30 PM): OK, but i’m wearin’ drawers this time!

Heirhead (4:47:55 PM): LOL! NOT!

BritBrit (4:49:01 PM): Your a bad influence! (Mom sez so!)

Heirhead (4:49:40 PM): OMG! Know what would be funny?

BritBrit (4:51:05 PM): huh

Heirhead (4:51:12 PM): Let’s invite Frcrtch!!!

BritBrit (4:52:27 PM): who?

Heirhead (4:52:49 PM): “LAST CALL” LOHAN!

BritBrit (4:56:50 PM): I thought you hated her!

Heirhead (4:56:59 PM): it’ll be a riot!

Nov. 26
MeanGirl69 (1:24:01 PM): Had a blast last night, guyz! Again 2nite?

Heirhead (1:24:13 PM): um, we’ll see. K?

BritBrit (1:26:00 PM): OMG!!!11! Did you two see my new pics?????

Heirhead (1:26:16 PM): u rock!

MeanGirl69 (1:26:35 PM): Old skool…I was doing that when you were still preggers!

Heirhead (1:26:59 PM): hey frcrtch, I was doing that when you were still fat.

BritBrit: (1:28:15 PM): burn!

MeanGirl69 (1:28:40 PM): i’m losing the signal. Not getting ur messages. cant make it tonight. Have another photo-op. oh, well.

Heirhead (1:28:45 PM): right :)~

Nov. 27
Heirhead (5:26:17 PM): The paparazzi love U!

BritBrit (5:30:07 PM): My mom sez I should wear panties.

BritBrit (5:32:13 PM): Sez I need to think of my kids or something…

Heirhead (5:32:34 PM): Girl, that’s where your kids came from ;^)

BritBrit (5:34:55 PM): I KNOW! Hey, are you busy next week?

Heirhead (5:35:02 PM): N2BZ4UQT

BritBrit (5:45:09 PM): huh?

Heirhead (5:45:46 PM): not too busy for you cutie!

BritBrit (5:50:00 PM): oh, hee. Well, WHTBBMAWM?

Heirhead (5:50:09 PM): ???

BritBrit (5:52:13 PM): Wanna host the Billboard Music Awards with me?

Heirhead (5:52:40 PM): that’d be so hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nov. 28
BritBrit (6:03:14 PM): Can U believe we got matching hair extentions?!?1?!?!

Heirhead (6:03:16 PM): we look hot

BritBrit (6:05:09 PM): I KNOW!

Heirhead (6:05:13 PM): Party @ Lotus 2nite!

BritBrit (6:08:09 PM): I dunno I think I should spend time with my baby and my older baby

Heirhead (6:08:12 PM): That’s what nannies are for!

Heirhead (6:09:07 PM): hello?

Heirhead (6:09:58 PM): where are you?

BritBrit (6:58:15 PM): Oops. Ran out of minutes

Heirhead (6:58:18 PM): That’s so lame…

BritBrit (7:01:02 PM): See you tonight!!

Nov. 29
BritBrit (2:03:12 PM): Paris, where’d you go last night?!?!?!1

Heirhead (2:03:15 PM): I figured you were so cozy with Brandon Davis it didn’t matter

BritBrit (2:06:08 PM): huh?

Heirhead (2:06:11 PM): My ex, Brandon. Whatever

BritBrit (2:09:03 PM): huh?

Heirhead (2:09:05 PM): WHATEVER!

BritBrit (2:13:46 PM): Well, you can do the Billboard Music Awards by yourself then!

Heirhead (2:13:49 PM): WHAT[expletive]EVER!

Nov. 30
BritBrit (12:13:02 PM): Miss you!

Heirhead (12:13:05 PM): <3

BritBrit (12:15:12 PM): I’m so glad we made up!

Heirhead (12:15:15 PM): me too

BritBrit (12:18:46 PM): Aw, now you’ve got to do the Billboard Music Awards by yourself

Heirhead (12:18:49 PM): No way, I’m bailing on that. Won’t do it without you!

BritBrit (12:21:06 PM): Whatcha doing tonight?

Heirhead (12:21:09 PM): Ugh, I told frcrtch I’d go out with her

BritBrit (12:23:46 PM): OMG, no way

Heirhead (12:23:49 PM): That was before we made up! You have to come, too!

BritBrit (12:26:04 PM): COOL

Dec. 1
MeanGirl69 (12:32:06 PM): That wuz so much fun, guyz!

BritBrit (12:35:12 PM): My mom’s so mad. sez I need to stop flashing everybody.

Heirhead (12:35:15 PM): My mom is disappointed in all of us

MeanGirl69 (12:35:18 PM): My mom thought it was cool! Where to now?

BritBrit (12:36:46 PM): um…

Heirhead (12:36:47 PM): Hey Linds, why don’t you go “be adequite” somewhere else?

MeanGirl69 (12:36:50 PM): i’m losing the signal. Not getting ur messages. cant make it tonight. Have another photo-op. oh, well.

Heirhead (12:36:52 PM): haha

BritBrit ( 12:37:12 PM): My mom’s coming, gotta go!

Heirhead (12:37:15 PM): cya

Dec. 2
BritBrit (3:12:06 PM): My mom sez I can’t hang out with you anymore!

Heirhead (3:12:09 PM): My mom sez you’re ruining my image!

BritBrit (3:14:12 PM): As if!

Heirhead (3:14:14 PM): Whatever

BritBrit (3:16:46 PM): Fine

Heirhead (3:16:48 PM): WHATEVER

BritBrit (3:19:02 PM): FINE

Heirhead (3:28:07 PM): Wanna go to Hyde 2nite?

BritBrit (3:30:12 PM): AWESOME!!!1!!

Helen A. S. Popkin is a freelance writer in New York. Ree Hines is a freelance writer in Tampa.
(see - I gave them credit!)

Naw, he was drunk. I swear!

2006-12-04T16:30:00.000-08:00

Just so you don't think that my whole weekend sucked. Let me share with you a video of Matt (a friend of ours) playing pool. A song by Pantera came on, and well... you see the results.

~sorry about the darkness - it was a night in my garage. Sophia Coppola I'm not!~

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Hope this isn't a sign of the season

2006-12-03T21:31:00.000-08:00

So today was pretty much shit. I took the kids to get their Christmas pictures taken. That went OK, they were only 30 minutes late in getting to us. The kids took adorable pictures. Naturally. Then their computers went down so we had to wait another 25 before we could view them. Yeah, that cost me $$ - walking around Sears to keep the kids occupied. Pictures cost me more than I thought they would, but the kids are only young once, right? More money! $$$$$$

We got our tree today. The first time in about 13 years we are having a real one. I didn't remember how much real trees cost! More $$$$. We set up the tree, the kiddos had a great time decorating it. I love a tree with a hodge-podge of decorations. It may not be beautiful by interior decorator standards, but each and every ornament means something to us. Then the tree fell over. Broken glass and ornaments every where. So we cleaned that up.

Then we stared decorating the rest of the living room. Above the fire place, our mantle was made of 1/2 inch thick glass, supported by clear plastic brackets. Please note that I said WAS MADE OF. I took down the wooden bowls made by my grandpa, the thick, heavy iron candelabra, and the other decorations, and laid down LIGHT, PRACTICALLY WEIGHTLESS garland, and the whole thing came crashing down on me. Let me tell you - 5 feet of glass mantle hitting marble hearth? Pretty much equals exploding glass. I have literally found glass in between the couch seat, by the piano 10 feet away, under the computer desk, everywhere. I have spent the entire night cleaning glass. And as I type this - I spy another shard of glass on the desk. Ugh. But on the plus side - I got the mantle I have been wanting. I hated the glass one, but there have always been more important things to spend money on than replacing the mantle. Mark put up a new wood mantle that is beautiful. But of course it was $$$.

Oh yes, let's not forget the humungous lump I am sporting on my noggin. Why? Well in the cleaning - I had a lamp fall on my head and break my sunglasses that were perched there.

So, by my reasoning, by the end of the month, I will either be bankrupt, or dead of some freak accident.

Owiee, Owiee, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch

2006-11-26T17:30:00.000-08:00

We are back from Lake Havasu. It was a great time! Wonderful family, wonderful foods, wonderful times, and some blood.
My cousin Nicole, who spent last weekend with us in Vegas, my sister-in-law Stephanie (the cool sister-in-law, not the bad one!) and my sister Sara, went to Culture Shok. It is a tattoo/piercing shop. It is owned my my sister's best friend Shannon, and her husband. Shannon pierced Nicole and Stephanie's nose and my ear. After all, the family that pierces together stays together. Right?

My ear - the before shot. Please ignore the horrid scratch - that is why I try not to sleep with my wedding ring....

Ok, no one told me she would be using a HUGE ASS NEEDLE A really BIG needle

So, I guess I am a bleeder.... Who knew.
Nicole - her "before shot" Getting the area sterile
Hummm, Nicole is a bleeder too. Must be the genes.
Nicole's "after" shot. Look at her cute little diamond

Stephanie's "during" shot. Yes, that is a needle in her nose.
Nicole and Stephanie, and their sparkly noses.
And here is the video of Nicole getting her nose done.

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Tuesday Morning Musings

2006-11-21T09:23:00.000-08:00

I changed my hair color and cut over the weekend. Now instead of an a-line chin length blond, I am a short and (naturally) curly dark dark brunette. I love it, but I am SO SICK of everyone who walks thru the office door making a comment on it. And what is with the rudeness? People feel that if you change your hair, it makes them free to make any comment they want on it. "Oh I don't like it, it makes you look old" WTF??? How is it ever ok to say that to someone you know only casually at work? Rude ass.

This weekend was tons of fun. My cousin, Nicole, came in from Colorado and hung out with us. This is the 1st time I was able to get to know her as an adult. (she's 18) In the past, she was always one of the "younger cousins". I think I became instantly cool when I told her I didn't care if she had a beer. She's an adult, and I know she wasn't going to be going anywhere.

Everyone ready for Thanksgiving? I have to stop tonight and get a few forgotten items. I am excited about this Thanksgiving. It is the 1st one I have ever had at my house. It is only going to be the 5 of us, and our neighbors, Andy, Minhee, and Edward. But I am going all out anyway.

Ok, I guess I better get back to work. Pfft.

So, what does everyone have planned for Thanksgiving?

Thursday Thirteen

2006-11-16T13:48:00.000-08:00

THE LAST 13 BOOKS I HAVE READ

1.
Danse Macabre by Laurell K. Hamilton Loved this one! (but then I really like vampire fiction!)

2.
Harvesting the Heart by Jodi Picoult Good - by then I have yet to read a book by her that I didn't like!

3.
1776 by David McCullough I'm not generally a non-fiction person, but this one I really enjoyed.

4.
Sleeping Beauty by Phillip Margolin OOOOH! Chillingly good!

5.
The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory Excellent! Two thumbs up!

6.
Angel with Attitude by Michelle Rowan Cute book, a quick read.

7.
Strange Candy by Laurell K. Hamilton Laurell is my favorite author, but I was strangely disapointed by this one.

8.
The Royal Treatment by MaryJanice Davidson MJ always tickles my funny bone!

9.
The Glass Castle Pretty good. Not my favorite, but enjoyed it anyway.

10.
Running with Scissors, by Augusten Burroughs This made me feel like my family was so NORMAL

11.
The Passion of Mary Magdalen by Elizabeth Cunningham Long, but soooo worth it!

12.
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See Excellent!!!

13.
Eragon by Christopher Paolini Re-reading it, actually!

This post is brought to you by the number 200 and the end of the world

2006-11-15T12:57:00.000-08:00

Wow. My 200th post. I feel like 200 is a big mile stone. This post should be important. It should be full of socially conscious insights, with witty observations, and maybe, just maybe, bring about world peace.

Or as Hubs put it: “200 eh? Oh Crap – I better keep my mouth shut for a while, or it’ll end up as # 200” (come on babe, you know a comment like that was gonna end up here!)

So here is your socially concious insight... THE END OF THE WORLD

Funny Videos

of bullies and nightmares

2006-11-14T13:01:00.000-08:00

In high school, I was a pretty timid person. I have always hated confrontation, and gone out of my way to avoid it, even now. (I generally don’t attack sales people trying to force their stupid credit cards down my throat, really!) Because of my unwillingness to cause a stir, I did have a few people I really hated in high school. You know - the bullies. Trust me, anyone who thinks that bullies are elementary or jr. high boys on a play ground, don’t know how nasty and mean spirited high school girls can be. We are talking vindictive, hell spawn bitches.

There were three that I really could not stand, but one of them stands out in my mind today. Lisa C. My mom is a housecleaner, and she cleaned the C’s house. My mom does not clean teen aged or adult children’s rooms. Change the bed sheets – yes, but they have to clean their own room. Lisa C. and I shared science together. She took delight in telling me, very loudly “tell you mom that next time she cleans she needs to do a better job in my room” or some shit like that. As if she needed to emphasize that my mother was a lowly housekeeper while her family was well off enough to afford a housekeeper. It didn’t bother me then what my mom does, nor does it bother me now. It just really hurt that she was always trying to raise herself up at my expense.

My mom and I have a close relationship, and we did then to. She would tell me lots of things. Trust me, if you have someone who comes and cleans your house, and you think you have secrets. Um, no. give it a little time, and your house keeper will know everything about you. Because of my mom, I knew which of my classmates did drugs, had sex and how often. I knew which ones had disgusting personal habits. Like Lisa, for example. *gross out alert* During that “time of the month” she would wear her pad in her panties, then just take them off, leaving the pad attached, and toss it in the wash, or just leave it laying around her room. EW. So her room would always smell nasty.

But I never threw things like that back in her face. That is just not me. Instead, I chose just to not like her. Even to day, don’t like her much.

I haven’t thought about her in years. But last night I dreamed of her. I dreamt that she was my youngest son’s teacher and was making his kindergarten life hell. I wonder why, after so many years of not thinking of her, she would enter my dreams.

Second Time's a Charm?

2006-11-13T18:39:00.000-08:00

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

If this works - this is us hanging out this weekend. We were trying to get Rosco (the dog who has no teeth) to go crazy and bite Minhee. It really is quite funny, because he has this high pitched growl/bark that in no way resembles a dog. No, seriously. Generally, all Minhee has to do is walk up to Rosco and he will go crazy, barking and trying to bite her. Remember, he has no teeth, so its not like it hurts either one of them. But this time, he was loving on her! And we were in no way harming the dog. The joke is that since Minhee is Korean, she is going to eat them.

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

Ok - here we are with the kids. Our 1st attempt at a movie. This is Delaney trying her cheer routine, and her brothers bothering her

The post in which I rip a new asshole on the credit card whore at the store

2006-11-08T14:37:00.000-08:00

Crazy Lady: I would like to exchange these pants, and purchase this sweater

Pushy credit card whoring sales lady: Ok, will we be placing that on your credit card today?

CL: No, I'll pay cash

PCCWSL: You really should put this on your credit card. We are running a special - you get a free scarf *holds up black tacky scarf* if you put it on your credit card.

CL: No thanks, I don't have your credit card.

PCCWSL: *shocked* NO?!?! Then you must apply for one, We'll take off 5% of your purchase today.

CL: No thank you.

PCCWSL: Plus we offer all sorts of discounts to our credit card holders.

CL: No thank you - I don't shop here often enough, and I don't use credit cards

PCCWSL: Here, just fill this out. It will only take a second *pushing a pen and a form at me*

CL: NO, I do not want your credit card. I don't use credit cards. If I cannot pay for something, then I just don't buy it.

PCCWSL: Well, you can always use the credit card, then pay the bill the same time you are in the store.

CL: Why would I do that. Why not write a check in the 1st place and save a step.

PCCWSL: Because you get all sorts of good deals with our credit card.

CL: No

PCCWSL: But, why? *looking bewildered that someone would not want their 21% interest credit card*

CL: I. Don't. Buy. Things. I. Don't. Have. The. Money. For. I. Don't. Use. Credit. Cards.

PCCWSL: Well!

CL: Look. I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING CREDIT CARD. I DON'T NEED YOUR CREDIT CARD, AND I DON'T SHOP AT YOUR DAMN STORE THAT MUCH. Now just exchange my pants for me, and let me buy this damn sweater. I really don't care about your god-forsaken credit card. Go whore it to someone else.

PCCWSL didn't say another word to me other than how much I owed for the purchase

Random Crap from a tired mind

2006-11-07T13:59:00.000-08:00

The funeral/wake went very well yesterday. (or as well as these things can go) But I am beyond exausted today. Just utterly drained. To the point that even getting dressed this morning was a chore. PFFT! No work out of me today.

So to entertain you, and keep my mushy brain happy, here are some random things I have running thru my head.

VOTE! I voted early. Just go vote. Even if the only choice is which of two canidates is the least scummy.

Amy over at Amy's Musings posted this. Its great - I need it framed

My Momentary Philosophy for the Day:
Sex can make up for a lot of annoying quirks.
And, GOOD sex can make up for really weird eccentricities….
And, mind blowing sex can take a “hell no!” to a “Yes, I’ll help you bury the body.”

Apparently Britney has come to her senses and given Federline the heave ho. Not that I'm a Spears fan, but really. 'bout damn time. Maybe now we won't have to hear all the crap about them anymore.

November must be eletronics month in the Crazy household. New camera Saturday, We are getting a new computer - way past time for this one. And the TV has taken a leave of absence, so it looks like a new tv is going to be welcomed into our home. Mark is talking plasma. We'll see. I am a techie myself, so it will be hard for me to resist the call of the flat screen plasma.

I am really sick of the members of the club. If I have to answer one more dumb question, I swear I am going to just going to walk out. I have given up answering the phone today. Just to much effort to be nice to these people with very small brains, that insist on asking me questions.

My friend Crazy in Colorado (who works in an ob/gyn office) had someone's water break while sitting in the waiting room. She said they plan on throwing out the waiting room chair. I think that is probably a good idea!

I am still working on how to post movies to the blog. Not that my life is movie worthy, but the Aviation Nation is this weekend - and that is always cool, with some good things to film. If you like planes - which I do! The cool thing is this year we are going with Andy and Minhee - since Andy is military, we don't have to do the park and ride thing! (a pain in the ass) we get to park on base with him. Way better!

Ugh! The damn phone is ringing again. I guess I should go answer it, and earn some of this money they pay me.

Testing this new fangled technology

2006-11-04T19:08:00.000-08:00

I got a new camera today (and this has nothing to do with me DROPPING my camera last Friday. Nothing, I tell you) I am checking out the camera feature, and how to post it. This is just the kiddos playing around.

Edit - guess not... anyone know how to get movies added on with blogger????

13 THINGS THAT BRING ME JOY (and don't cost money)

2006-11-02T09:57:00.000-08:00

1. A good book, that draws me in, makes me part of the world it takes place in; then realizing it is just the 1st of a series; I get to read more about those magical characters

2. Laying in bed on Saturday mornings with the kids. Especially Brenden. He is such a cuddle bug

3. Long bubble baths, with my dog lying beside the tub

4. A hot shower on a cold morning

5. A Sunday afternoon nap

6. Waking up and finding that all 3 kids have joined us during the middle of the night. It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does; I like being able to touch my entire family, just by reaching out

7. A warm blanket and a fire going in the fire place

8. A clean house

9. The sight of my children playing together

10. Freshly painted toe nails

11. Balancing a bank reconciliation on the 1st try with no problems. (hey a work item actually made the list – wow!)

12. The smell of garlic bread coming from an Italian restaurant as I drive by

13. Climbing into be on a winter night, after my electric mattress pad has been on for a while. I love to climb into a warm bed.

Roswell in my living room

2006-11-01T19:54:00.000-08:00

A conversation while sitting on the couch this evening.

After a comercial for a scary movie

Crazy Lady: NO! We will not go see that

Mark: Why do you always say that. What makes you think I would want to see that. I don't like scary movies

CL: Well, if your body were to be taken over by aliens, and he decided he wanted to see the movie, he would know I won't go see it.

M: Well, if an alien took over my body, he would know my thoughts, and know i don't like movies like that.

CL: no, because your mind is up in the space ship.

M: My mind is in a space ship?

CL: Yeah, in some holding tank.

M: It's not a tank, its a room.

CL: A room, huh? And you would know this how? OOOOO Aliens have taken my husband. (and yes, this was said in a very spooky tone)

M: Oh lord, you're going to blog this aren't you.

CL: I'm already writing the post in my head, babe.

BOO!

2006-10-31T10:27:00.000-08:00

Here are some very spooky Halloween kids for you. My daughter wanted to be a drama queen for Halloween - only to be come very mad when her daddy informed her that she didn't need a costume for a drama queen. She is one every day.

Here are some Halloween facts that you may not know:

~Since 1995, trick or treating in the town of Sandusky, Ohio, has been against the law for anyone older then 14.

~It is very rare for a full moon to occur at the same time as Halloween. It has only occurred in - 1925, 1944, 1955, and 1974. The next time it is said to occur is 31 October, 2020.

~The word Halloween appeared in the Dictionary in the 1700s.

~Dunking for apples arose from a practice of divining the future. It was believed that if you could hold an apple between your teeth you would have a fulfilling romance with whomever you choose.

~According to ancient superstitions, if you stare into a mirror at midnight on Halloween, you'll see your future spouse.

~The pumpkin is one of the best sources of Vitamin A.

~In China the Hallowe'en festival is known as Teng Chieh in which food and water are placed in front of photographs of relatives of people. Bonfires and lanterns are lit to light the spirits path back to earth

~In Germany people put their knives away. This is done as they do not want to risk hurting the returning spirits.

~About 20 million pounds of candy corn will be sold this Halloween. That's totally over 8 billion individual pieces of corn!

If you would like to read some interesting and unusual deaths Click here. After all, it sort of fits the Halloween Theme.

here are some more Halloween fact

and last a little gratitous sex for you people... Boo BEES!

Rest in Peace My Friend

2006-10-28T18:53:00.000-07:00

Anthony. Killed on his way home from work by some driver who wasn't looking out for a motorcycle, and ran right into him on I15.

I am sure heaven is a funnier place today
We miss you.

Mung-chung ye
Waaaaaay

What I did Saturday night...

2006-10-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

Saturday night I went to a women’s only sexy costume party. The theme for the night was sexy. We drank out of penis straws, had boobie cheese balls, did penis shaped jello shots, and chilled our drinks with boob and penis shaped ice. We played a game that was a cross between pictionary and charades. I wish I could remember the name of the game. It was fun. We divided into teams, and would draw a card. Then one member from each team had to either act out or draw what was on the card. Everything was sexually orientated on the card. I was going to post pictures, but then thought I better not. I didn’t ask the ladies if I could, and lets face it; it was a room full of cleavage and skin. Besides my flapper, we had vampires, Daisy Duke, Little Red Riding Hood, our fair share of hookers, and a naughty little country girl. So instead I will give you my Thursday Thirteen of thirteen things I either had to draw or act out during the game.

Now use your imagination – some of these are pretty damn hard to make people guess!
1. skin flute (draw)
2. swallow the sword (act)
3. love muffin (draw)
4. infertility drugs (draw)
5. 69 (draw)
6. soak and poke (draw)
7. smooth operator (draw)
8. long distance relationship (draw)
9. stinky pinky (draw)
10. heavy breather (draw)
11. clean the kitchen (draw)
12. quiver (act)
13. fur burger (draw)

And cause I love you all, I'll throw in a few more.
We had a series of spank ones - spank the monkey; spank and yank; spank me

My Saturday Night

2006-10-22T11:46:00.000-07:00

Yes, there is a story behind this, and if you are nice, I'll tell you.

Food for Thought Friday

2006-10-20T09:35:00.000-07:00

I saw this over at Slacker Moms, and thought it was a great idea; Food for Thought Friday.

Oriental Beef Noodles

3 packages Top Ramen noodles oriental style, cooked and drained
1 package frozen Oriental vegetables
1 c water
1/3 c Orange Juice
1 tsp. ground ginger
1 tbl soy sauce
1 lb package stew meat, cooked, or left over steak cut into strips

Boil and drain the ramen noodles according to directions – do not add in the ramen spice packets

Heat frozen veggies and 1 c water in skillet, cook until tender. Add orange juice, ginger, soy sauce and steak, and two of the ramen noodle seasoning packets. Stir well, and heat thru. Serve on top of ramen noodles.

This is easy to adapt to left overs. I have made it with left over veggies, left over chicken, and pork. I have added tofu too. Great way to jazz up leftovers!

He He He

2006-10-19T15:49:00.000-07:00

A guy walks into the psychiatrist's office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

Thursday Thirteen

2006-10-19T09:26:00.000-07:00

THE TOP 13 JOB THAT HAVE TO BE BETTER THAN MY JOB
(and I am sure that this is in no way related to the fact that I have been told to work 10 hour days this week for no apparent reason)

1. mattress tester – at last, paid to sleep! My dream job. (he he he good pun)

2. ice cream taster – as if this one needs an explanation

3. construction road sign holder – stop. slow. Ok, I got that down. ‘nuff training

4. phone sex operator– because then I say “coochie”, “vajayjay”, “cooter”, “crotchfruit”, and “hootenanny” on the phone

5. soap opera writer – I mean really – have you watched some of these? All you have to have is a wild imagination, and people will buy it. “I cannot marry you Palo, I am *gasp* your sister!” "But Marguarite - I love you!" *sob*

6. professional student – I like to learn!

7. telemarketer – “hello sir, this is Crazy Lady from Acme products” *click* “hello ma’am, this is Crazy Lady from Acme products” *click* “hello sir, this is Crazy Lady from Acme products” *click*

8. shoe model – I love me some shoes!

9. golf pro – ride around in a cart all day? Yeah, I can do that

10. secret shopper – paid to shop? Almost as good as paid to sleep!

11. rock star – oh wait. I cannot sing. Well, that doesn’t stop half of them…

12. Ferrari test driver! Zoom Zoom!

13. weather Girl – requires no talent, and people expect you to be wrong!

Because I am so not into work right now, I googled "Dream Job" and found a quiz. This is what my quiz said I should be:

You would be very happy in a career that utilised your level-headedness, and allowed you to work mainly on your own. You want a career that allows you to be creative, without having to be involved with lots of people. Some careers that would be perfect for you are:
Artist
Historian
Banker
Novelist
University Professor
Photographer
Vet
Paralegal
Graphic Designer
Online Content Developer
Webmaster
Producer
Managing Director
Nutritionist
Advertising
Nursing

None of them are floating my boat - I don't want any of them. What do I REALLY want to be? Independently wealthy. That's a job, isn't it?

I'm wondering....

2006-10-18T14:04:00.000-07:00

I just read
THIS STORY. My question is: What the hell was the lady doing WALKING a bird?

A lazy post

2006-10-12T16:29:00.000-07:00

I had planned on giving you all the wonderful details of my trip to Ft. Lauderdale… well, not ALL the details, some of those you don’t need to know, just safely assume that there was some kanoodling.
Anyway…. But I have been running my ass off since I returned. Remember my boss throwing the fit about budgets? Well, I returned to work Monday, expecting these budgets to waiting for me (since they were due). Lo and behold, they weren’t done yet! So all her posturing and asinine behavior was for nothing. No big shocker there. When I did get the budgets (a week late) I had one day to enter and finalize before they needed to go to the general manager. Yeah, so I have been a little busy. By the time I got that all done, I resembled a hunched back, squinty eyed, gnarly fingered old crone.

I have posted pictures of my trip over on my my family site; THE FUNNY FARM, so feel free to head on over there and see the great big alligator, the pink bridges, and some lazy ass dogs.

Meanwhile, let me entertain you with some of my “Super Geek Girl” computer issues I have taken care of since I returned to work.

Bartender: This computer is broke. It won’t turn on.
Crazy Lady: Well, that would be because it’s not plugged in...

Boss Man: I need help with this excel sheet. I cannot get it to work.
Crazy Lady: What’s wrong?
Boss Man: I cannot get it to go into my c-drive. I keep saving it, but it’s not there.
Crazy Lady: That’s because you need to hit “save AS” ( so I walk him thru)

20 Minutes later

Boss Man: Crazy lady – its doing it again! I think we need to call the IT people.
Crazy Lady: *sigh* let me show you again

Golf Shop: Help – our printer is broken
Crazy Lady – here, let me turn it on for you….

Boss Man: Has any one seen my secretary today?
Crazy Lady: Um…. She has been on vacation for the last 2 days.

Yeah, these are the prize winning people that I work with!

You'll never look at Old McDonald the same again...

2006-10-09T12:53:00.000-07:00

While in Fort Lauderdale we found this cool bar called Howl at the Moon. It was a sing along piano bar. One of the performers did his own special rendition of Old McDonald that just has to be shared…

Old McDonald had a farm
e-i-e-i-o
And on that farm he had a hairlip dog
e-i-e-i-o
With a “mar mar” here and a “mar mar” there
Here a “mar”; there a “mar” there; everywhere a “mar mar”

Old McDonald had a farm
e-i-e-i-o
And on that farm he had a snake with a lisp
e-i-e-i-o
With a “hissss hissss” (this has to be sung in a very gay voice) here and a “hissss hissss” there
Here a “hissss”; there a “hissss” there; everywhere a “hissss hisss sillypants”

Old McDonald had a farm
e-i-e-i-o
And on that farm he had a dyslexic sheep
e-i-e-i-o
With a “aaab aaab” here and a “aaab aaab” there
Here a “aaab”; there a “aaab” there; everywhere a “aaab aaab”

Old McDonald had a farm
e-i-e-i-o
And on that farm he had a chicken with tourettes
e-i-e-i-o
With a “cluck cluck” here and a “cluck cluck” there
Here a “cluck”; there a “cluck” there; everywhere a “cluck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit damn fuck cluck”

Ok, so maybe you had to be there, but I swear it was some seriously funny shit!

The pictures are just to rub in the fact that I was there - I got to enjoy that beautiful beach! neener neener neener

By this time tomorrow, there better damn well be a cabanna boy serving me something cold and frozen....

2006-10-03T13:58:00.000-07:00

I am more than ready to head out. I have my suit case packed, my tickets and whatnot in my "travel purse", and all possible arangements made. I only have 3 more hours left of this hell I call work. My boss has been so far up my ass today, she may as well check out my colon while she's there.

For your amusement - here is an actual IM conversation between myself and my longest time bestest buddy ~ who also HATES her job.

Crazy in Colorado says:
omg - make it stop please -- -- I am so tired of the f'ing dumb ass I have to work with
I am done - I am ready to f'ing quit and take up a job at mcdonalds

Crazy Lady says:
I hear ya. Really what is the worse that can happen there? "Oh my god, the ketchup dispenser is empty. run for you lives, the end is near!"

Crazy in Colorado says:
- no kidding I am just so done - I can not stand it --

Crazy Lady says:
trust me - at this point they will be so damn lucky if I come back from FL. I may just decide to stay there

Crazy in Colorado says:
I WANNA GO TO FLORIDA - TAKE ME WITH YOU

Crazy Lady says:
I tell you, it has been a hell day. I am ready to look at boss lady and tell her to go her self. and leave

Crazy in Colorado says:
I wish I had some other income

Crazy Lady says:
me to. don't suppose i could make much of a living pole dancing, huh?

Crazy in Colorado says:
I am ready to try if you are

Crazy Lady says:
did you ever ready about the two old ladies who invited bums to live in their house "to get back on their feet" then took out huge insurance policies on them, then ran them over with a car and collected the $$...... Maybe we should give that a shot

Crazy in Colorado says:
hmmm- I did read about that.. might have to look into that

Crazy Lady says:
perfect alibis - you run down mine, i'll run down yours.

Crazy in Colorado says:
there ya go - that just might do it

Have a great week everyone! I'll be back Monday.

Fun weekend, and random last minute crap

2006-10-02T13:15:00.000-07:00

I had a great time this weekend. Saturday night I had a SLUMBER PARTY at my house. Adult toys + a bunch of giggly women + wine = a hell of a good time. I didn't get to bed until 2:30. And yes, since I hosted the party, I got free stuff - but no, I am not going to tell you what I got. Pervs!

Sunday, I took Mark to the airport at o'dark:30 then went to work. I tell you, inventory sucks. Every single month, on the 1st, rain or shine, I am at work at 5:30 AM. Do I need to remind you? I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON. It doesn't matter if the 1st is a weekday, weekend, or a holiday. (Hello! I have to be here on New Year's Day)

So let's recap that. Big party Saturday night, early Sunday morning. So, yeah. I was maybe just a little crabby yesterday afternoon. But I didn't get to sit and wallow in my crabbass-ness. Nope, I had a house full of family. My parents, grandparents, 2 sets of the Chicago great aunt & uncles, and some Chicago cousins were all at my house. Some of them I haven't seen since I was 8. It really was a great time visiting with them. I did enjoy that. Maybe some of you remember when we had a birthday party in January for my other grandmother. When I talked about not looking like any of my family. Remember that? Huh? Do ya? Well go read it. I'll wait.

Back? Ok then. Well, it is official. I know what side of the family I look like. Holy cow! I am an Olson in looks, thru and thru. It was really neat to be able to look at these people and see so much of me in them. My grandpa, his brothers and his sister, and my cousins all have the same nose, chin, and eyes. The same features I see when I look in the mirror. Since we never see these people, it is not something I have ever noticed before. It sort of helps put to rest those feeling that I don't "fit" with my family. Cool, very cool.

Other than that, I am working crazy trying to get everything done before I leave for Fort Lauderdale on Wednesday. My boss pissed me off so bad on Thursday, I could have easily gone postal on her. AFTER, I cleared this spur of the moment trip with her, we booked the flight. (We paid for the tickets, being reimbursed later in the month for them) She asked me if I could cancel. Because she forgot that budgets are due while I am gone. Get this. She accused me of deliberately deceiving her about my trip. She said that I must have know that budgets were due, and I kept it from her when I asked for my trip! When I asked her about it, she and I sat down with the monthly schedule and her ever-present calendar and made sure it would be ok for me to take off time. Budgets only come up once a year, and I have only been here a year, so why would I even think of them. Neither did she. But she said she spent all morning on Thursday, waiting for me to come in and "confess" that I lied to her and was going to cancel my trip. Yes, that is actually the word she use. I told her I booked the trip, only when I had cleared it thru her, since the tickets are non-refundable, if the club is willing to pay me back for them, I would cancel. But since she approved my two friggen days off (worked Sunday - remember?) I was still going to go. And I reminded her, that she also didn't remember the budgets. That shut her the hell up.

Ok, deep breath. I only have today and tomorrow, then I can have some pina coladas at the beach. Oh, and maybe a cabana boy to serve them!

Wisdom of the ages

2006-09-29T13:49:00.000-07:00

I was talking to my mom yesterday about my kitchen and needs vs. wants.

I NEED a new dishwasher.

I WANT a new stove.

but I cannot afford to get both.

My brilliant, and maybe a little devious, mama told me:

"When you have to choose between a need and a want, always go with the want. Because the need will still be there, so you will end up getting the need anyway when it finally breaks down"

See honey - I come by it honestly!

The top thirteen things that drive me totally crazy; looneytunes; batty; nuts; and up the wall

2006-09-28T13:40:00.000-07:00

1. People who chew with their mouth open

2. People who think they have to know everyone else’s business.

3. Assholes who don’t know how to drive

4. When my kids bicker and fight over stupid shit – you moved my shoe, no I didn’t, yes you did….

5. People who think they know everything, and are never ever wrong

6. When my husband swears he left something “right here, where did it go” when he really left it some place else

7. The neighbors who think my house is the local grocery store – can I borrow some milk; butter; eggs…

8. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law, enough said (the bad sister-in-law, not the good one!)

9. People who do nothing but bitch and moan all the time

10. People who “pop” their gum – ugh

11. People who smoke while you are eating

12. The TV or radio turned up to loud

13. Football commentators.

2006-09-26T09:37:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is foam. Perhaps Mark should have read how much of the chemical to add to the pool....

(edit to add)
Mark would like me to point out - he did read the directions. He just didn't BELIEVE them

We had a major function at work Sunday, and the office staff got to bring home the extra flowers. White roses and orchids. It smells heavenly!

Look out Florida!

2006-09-25T13:25:00.000-07:00

Dribbler asked me what the special occasion was to have my hair and eyebrows done. Wooo hoo! I'm going to Fort Lauderdale next week!

This is a totally spur of the moment trip. Mark has his annual managers meeting in Ft. Lauderdale next Monday and Tuesday, so on Wednesday I am flying out and we are going to play hookey until Sunday! The best part? The trip is on his company! Flight and room is paid for by them, We only have to worry about meals and entertainment. Since he and I have not had a vacation together in 3 years, I don't think we need to worry much about the entertainment part.

I've got kids and dogs all squared away, so I don't have to worry about them. Now I just have to wait the agonizing long week until I can hop on a plane.

Red heads have more fun, Right?

2006-09-23T17:58:00.000-07:00

Woo hoo. Went and got my hair done last night. It is a very light red with a little blond. With my green eyes and freckles, the Norwegian is being being over ruled by the Irish in me now! And I got my eye brows down. Phew. Good thing too. I think they were plotting to take over the world.

Thursday 13

2006-09-21T13:10:00.000-07:00

The last 13 songs that have played on my I-Tunes here at work

1. Istanbul (not Constantinople) – They Might be Giants
2. Kiss – Prince
3. All that Heaven Will Allow – The Mavericks
4. You Belong to me – Jason Wade
5. She – Harry Connick Jr.
6. Come On Over – Shania Twain
7. Lady Madonna – the Beatles
8. Miracle Drug – U2
9. Similar Features – Melissa Etheridge
10. Ceclia – Simon & Garfunkle
11. Rich Girl – Gwen Stefani
12. Hallelujah – Rufus Wainwright
13. Fat Bottomed Girls – Queen

These are completly random - I have it set so it pulls from all the uploaded songs.

Avast me Hearties

2006-09-19T12:15:00.000-07:00

Ahoy maties. Argh, today be International Talk Like A Pirate Day. So me scurvy wenches, ye be talkin' like a pirate or ye be a walkin' the plank. Break out the grog, and shiver me timbers, or ye be a bilge rat. Aye?

So to mark this festive day you can find out your pirate personality

or you can translate in to pirate

or you can read what Dave Barry the writer has to say about Talk Like a Pirate Day.

and for my fellow office workers - here is how you can answer the phone

What better than a day devoted to acting like a child? So get with the program, or ye'll be down in Davey Jones' locker, faster than you can say bung hole.

I don't agree with it, but here is my pirate profile
You are a Pirate Second Class

Do you remember the last time you took
a chance? I do. It was when you decided
to leave the security of your mother's womb
and headed for the bright light. It's time
to head for the next bright light, my friend.
Creativity is not your strong suit. You
are good at doing what you are told to do
and that, in itself, is a gift. It's not a
gift to you, mind you, but rather a gift to
those who will be there to tell you what
to do. You like long walks on the beach and
cuddling, but would never admit that to your
Guy friends who think you are okay but can't
always remember your name. Tapioca pudding
seems a bit extreme for a fellow such as
yerself, what with all the bumps and stuff.
It's a good thing ye be on a pirate ship,
otherwise, ye'd would be walkin' because ye be
positively pedestrian. Have a nice day.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

Monday morning ramblings, and some very bad drawing

2006-09-18T13:20:00.000-07:00

Ugh, I have the Monday Blahs. I don’t want to be working. I would much rather be at home. Mark is home today and he is cleaning house. Damn, I need to be home to see that! Maybe even be taking some photos for posterity! To prove to my grandkids that their grand-pop really did clean house at one time. But, NO! I am here, stuck at work, smelling carpet glue fumes.

And it is BEAUTIFUL outside. I don’t want to be cooped up in a brick box. Current temp is 77. Ah, I love fall. My co-worker and I borrowed a golf cart and drove around the course today for lunch. It was so nice.

Know what makes my day though? My Amazon order came. I love having my packages delivered at work. It is so nice. Now I have 4 new books to curl up and enjoy the nice fall weather with. Oh, maybe we can even light a fire tonight. Oh yeah, now that’s good times. I have
Dark Celebration By Christine Feehan, The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls, Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See, and Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs. I also picked up 1776 by David McCullough this weekend. So I have plenty of "curl up by the fire and read" material.

Oh yeah, to pass the time, I have been doing a little back yard landscape designing. Those of you who know me, know I cannot draw for a hill of beans. But I have been trying anyway. So for your viewing pleasure I give you my plans for the back yard fire pit.

Thursday Thirteen

2006-09-14T15:14:00.000-07:00

13 things I would rather be doing than coming into work next week while they tear the club apart around my ears (see the Whoops! post below)

1. Sleeping in

2. Baking cookies for my kids to eat when then come home from school

3. Finish painting my dining room

4. Painting the kids bathroom. I took down the wall paper 3 months ago, and STILL haven’t painted

5. Having a pedicure

6. Working on my (non existent) tan (and by working on my tan, I mean being lazy in the back yard, enjoying a book and the beautiful weather)

7. Exploring Boston with my family (Boston is where we are trying to arrange our family vacation to, but with Mark’s new job… who knows when that will happen)

8. Reading a book

9. Having a massage

10. Shopping!

11. Winning the Power Ball, so I can do the shopping

12. Hanging out with good friends

13. Who cares, anything, as long as it is not working!

Whoops!

2006-09-14T13:45:00.000-07:00

Starting tomorrow, and all next week, work will REALLY suck. The club is being renovated. Everything will be dirty, dusty and nasty. All the furniture has been moved out /sold/ put on consignement, as of 1 o'clock today. The carpet is being ripped out tomorrow. The club is closed for the next 10 days, we re-open on the 24th.

And on the 24th there is a MAJOR event for one of the members. By MAJOR I mean 9000 worth of cavier, 60 k worth of champagne... major.

GUESS WHAT? The new furniture is not here. And by not here, I mean not in the friggen state. And by not in the state, I mean - Its still in South Africa. It's not going to be arriving by the 24th. That means this party (which is apparently a who's who of Las Vegas, with its overly extravigant, hello amounts of money being spent) will have no place to sit their rich i-am-better-than-you-cause-i-have-way-more-money butts. No table to put their cavier on.

This renovation has been scheduled since May.
Whoops. I would be willing to bet that someone is loosing their job over that one.

Singing along with my I-Pod

2006-09-13T15:40:00.000-07:00

Oh, Cecilia, your breakin' my heart, your shakin' my confidence daily.

Oh Ceclia. I'm down on my knees. I'm beggin you please to come home. home home.

*This is me singing to you*

I know. Friggen awsome.

Hey - non-verbal. that is the way my singing voice sounds the best. Just be glad I don't have recording abilities. Then you would all be sorry.

this blogging adventure has been brought to you by Simon and Garfunkle and my I-Pod

WTF?

2006-09-13T14:05:00.000-07:00

How can this be? I have a huge zit. ON. MY. EYELID. Who the hell gets zits on their eyelids?

Mindless crap floating around in my head....

2006-09-11T15:01:00.001-07:00

I'm home sick. Have had two sick kids in the past week. Kids won't share a darn thing, until it comes to germs. pfft. So, since I am sick and miserable and all icky like, I just thought I would share with you some of the mindless crap that is floating around in my sick head. Um, that would be: sick - germy, not sick - perverted. Thought I better make that clear!

1. I pass a guy on my way to work almost everyday. He appears to be an upstanding citizen. He always has on a suit and tie. It's just that as he is walking down the street, you can see his sock. His HOT PINK SOCKS. Every single day, hot pink socks. It makes me wonder: Where do you buy hot pink men's socks? How many hot pink socks does he own? Why wear hot pink socks, when he obviously has a corporate type job?

2. Saturday morning I was laying in bed with my sick son, the 5 year old. He told me that he likes to snuggle with me. He said it "fills him up, right here" (pointing to his heart). AWWWWWW! That is so sweet. Then he told me that I needed to shower and leave him alone.

3. We had a BBQ here at the house last night for Mark's employees. Yeah, I got to play hostess, sick. Even still, it was good. Minhee, our Korean friend, made Korean ribs for us to bbq. *drool* Guess what I am making Mark re-heat me for dinner tonight? mmmmm, ribs.

4. The BBQ was a little strange, because Mark has taken another job, with another company. He hasn't given his notice yet. (doing it tomorrow) So we had to avoid any talk about that.

5. Mark went and filled in the paperwork and did his drug test Friday. So a bunch of us were stitting around the back yard Friday night, and I jokingly said to Mark: "good thing you didn't do all that coke last night" He replied "Hell, its not the coke I would be worried about" Our neighbor kid Joey (The one I call my adopted son, cause he is here all the time) piped up and said "Yeah, it would be the DIET COKE"
*please for the love of Pete people - we don't do drugs, and I don't think drug use is a funny matter, so no one worry about that. Kid's don't do drugs*

6. I am so ashamed of myself. I bought the Vanity Fair with Suri on the cover. There is no excuse for crap like that. Bad, Kari, bad bad bad. But I have to say, that kid looks like she is wearing a baby toupee!

7. I really have to stop munching on this Chex Mix, bold and spicy. But, Damn, it is good!

8. Today is the 5th anniversary. 5 years, and it still is a wound to our country. We are healing, but it is slow. Our world changed that day. There are so many other blogs that say it so much better than can; that put the thoughts and feeling into words. My heart and prayers go out to the family of those that lost loved ones that day.

Ok, kids are home from school. I am going to go play sick-o momma and make them give me lots of snuggle and hugs.... and maybe make them fetch and carry for me too.

Yep, them head wounds, they sure do bleed....

2006-09-07T14:08:00.000-07:00

A series of phone conversations for you reading pleasure… or proof that Mark and I are a marriage made in heaven.

In my car yesterday on the way to work…

*ring ring* (ok, so my cell phone doesn’t actually ring when Mark calls me, it plays Beautiful Love by The Afters)

Crazy Lady: Hello

Mark: Do we have anything to stop bleeding?

CL: Um, what? Are the kids ok???

M: (mumble mumble) no its me.

CL: What’s wrong?

M: I cut my lip shaving

CL: Oh Sheesh!!! Just hold some tissue to it

M: I’ve tried a towel, but that didn’t work. Don’t we have something to stop the bleeding? Cause its bleeding really bad.

CL: Don’t try a towel, that won’t work, to nubbly. Use a tissue.

M: I’ve tried that – it starts bleeding as soon as I take it off.

CL: You’re suppose to HOLD IT there, like for a long time. Apply continuous pressure.

M: It’s bleeding – the bathroom looks like someone slit their wrists.

CL: Are you holding it?

M: It’s still bleeding.

CL: Well, stop taking the tissue off!

M: (mumble mumble)

CL: Do you want me to turn this car around and come home?

M: What would you?

CL: Hold the damn tissue for you!

I thought I would give this a shot....

2006-09-05T18:28:00.000-07:00

Thirteen Things I like about myself...

1. I have great eyes, when I manage to get the brows waxed... Right now, I think that the fuzzy brows are bent on world domination

2. I am quiet, but once you get to know me, I am not so quiet

3. I have managed to raise some pretty damn good kids.

4. I am making great strides every day (ok, more like itty bitty baby steps - but it is still forward) toward a better me!

5. I have a good sense of humor

6. I am a good decorator

7. I am very good at my job, even if it drives me nuts some (OK, most) of the time

8. I am a great friend

10. I am a very fast reader, generally 1 - 3 books a week, depending on the book, and whats going on

11. I am a good doggy mama - my boys love me! (I type this as Charlie is flopped over my shoulder - I'm not sure if he know he is a dog, or thinks he is a bird)

12. I am a good wife, thru thick and thin

13. I may not always have a clean house, but I always have a happy house

Trip down memory lane...

2006-08-31T13:49:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about the town I grew up in. Well, actually I lived in Arizona longer than in Montana, but Montana is always going to be "where I'm from". We have been talking about vacation recently, and we toyed with the idea of going to Yellowstone National Park. I told Mark, that since Yellowstone is so close (ok about a 3 or 4 hour drive, but that is a lot closer than Vegas!) to my old home town we needed to go.

When I was 4, we moved from Puerto Rico, to Glendive, MT, the town where my parents had grown up, met, and married in. We lived then until the summer after 5th grade.
Here is a picture of an approaching storm near Glendive. It really is beautiful country.

Here are the badlands that surround the area. We would go camping out in them. My dad would bring his dune buggy and we would ride up and down the hills. I love going dune buggying, even now. Riding out in the "tullies" as my mom calls them.
This is the "Bell Street Bridge" or as we called it, the old bridge. It was built in the 20's. I was always very proud because my great grandpa had helped build it. As a kid I imagined him building it all himself. I know that wasn't true, but hey, I was a kid. There was also the "new bridge" built in the 50's that was much newer and wider, and more used. But I always wanted to walk over the old bridge. My great grandpa even had a street named after him in town. Harmon Ave.
I had more pictures to show you where we lived, but Blogger has decided not to cooperate any longer.
We lived outside of town, out in the country, on eight acres. I remember those days as so carefree and idyllic. I am sure my parents would not agree, I know that our time in Glendive was a time of hardship and poverty for them, but as kids, we were not touched by any of that.

I know you can never go back, but the memories bring such sweetness

I knew it!

2006-08-31T10:54:00.000-07:00

Damn him... I knew it was all his fault.

Or at least that is the story I'm going with.

Shhhhhhh...

2006-08-30T15:18:00.000-07:00

You all want in on a little secret? I have to tell someone, because honestly - I am slightly freaking out.

I haven't been feeling 100% lately. Oogy tummy, slight dizzy spells, just not right. Then last night Mark made popcorn, and it was all I could do not to hurl all over him. Oh crap. So after work I am going to buy a pregnancy test. I don't know how I feel about that. Do I want to be or do I not want to be? I don't know. I have pretty much figured I was done having kids, and we are taking precautions against such an event... but not everything is foolproof. I have 2 kids thanks to that 1% of the time that b/c doesn't work.

Some of you know my mom - DON'T YOU DARE SAY A WORD TO HER. On pain of death. I will not deal with that until I have settled the matter with me, the bathroom, and a little stick.

EDIT: The answer is NO! Phew. Then I have some bug or some such crap going around... or as my friend said: "Gee, maybe its stress?"

And there was great rejoicing throughout the land…..

2006-08-30T07:51:00.000-07:00

And the Lord said - The children shall go to school, and so it shall be. Let the children depart unto school, and let the parents rejoice with much gaiety as they depart. The children shall take the holy lunch bags, and the sacred backpacks and begone.

~book of Crazy Lady

Woo hoo, guess what starts today....

Million Dollar Baby, part 3

2006-08-25T13:07:00.000-07:00

I have tried linking to parts one and two, but Blogger will not let me for some reason (stupid Blogger – is it just me or have we been saying that more and more often lately?) Anyway…if you would like to read parts one and two first, they are in my June archives.
Edit: Here is part one and part two

Tristyn had his surgery and his back curve was corrected down to 17°. Because he was only 5, we knew that he would require another surgery in a few years to remove the rods. They just don’t make rods that grow with you. The following August (2002) Tristyn went in for surgery to remove the rods. The doctors said his spine was fully fused, and he had grown more than anticipated over the past year. The rods allow for 2 to 2 ½ “ of growth, and he had passed that. Well, for pitty sake – he was 1 ½ “ taller when they took him off the table after the surgery, the curve of his back was that great!

The 2nd surgery was not as long, but just as nerve wracking. Removal of rods is just as dangerous as the placement. But he came thru with flying colors. What a brave trooper he was for only being 6. But the recovery in the hospital was worse this time. He seemed to have much more pain, and a harder time dealing with it. Plus, the meds they gave him made him tremor and spasm. I spent every night sleeping in the “bed” next to him (fold out chair) with my arm over the side of his bed holding his hand, because it was the only way he could sleep.

Tristyn healed fine, and his doctors told us that he would maybe require surgery again when he was in his teen years, and hit that big teen growth spurt, but maybe not even then. Pfft.

2 years later we were back in the doctors office being told that surgery was again in his immediate future.

Just like Tom Cruise on South Park, I'm coming out of the Closet

2006-08-22T14:14:00.000-07:00

I have been wondering lately why I do the whole pseudonym thing. Really, I don’t have much to hide, family members already know about this blog, and if any of you were really adventurous and paid much attention to things, you would have found my family blog with our names on it already.

When I started the blog, I was working thru some pretty major crap going on in my life, and was seriously mentally and emotionally in a bad place in my life. I was going to have this as an online diary and way to work thru the shit that was running thru my head. Thanks to the addition of some nice drugs, and lots of talking things over with people, I am in a much better place today.

So here goes, I am coming out of the closet.

Ew. Not like that! Stick with me people, I'm talking names here. Sick-o!

Hello, my name is Karel, (that is said just like Carol – don’t try and make it all funky sounding and shit.) but family and friends call me Kari. My husband is Mark. My children are Tristyn (T-man), Delaney (Laneybug), and Brenden(B-boy).
Phew.

encouraging the exploitation of child labor

2006-08-19T14:32:00.000-07:00

Princess loves to clean. No, seriously. She. Loves. To. Clean. Don’t believe me? A few weeks ago on a Sunday afternoon, the whole family spent the afternoon in the back yard; just playing and swimming and hanging out. Everyone but Princess. Not because we excluded her. But because she wanted to be inside cleaning instead. She loves to do laundry, fold clothes, wash dishes, dust, and just about any household chore. Mopping sends her into spasms of joy.
We are suppose to encourage our children’s interests and activities, right? This is not just a mommy exploiting her child for a little child labor and a sparkly bathroom. So in a fit of encouragement, I assembled her very own cleaning caddy. Her very own multi-use spray; her own duster; her own rags; even her own rubber gloves. Joy! Bliss! Heaven!

WORK, CHILD, WORK! Um... I mean, here is Princess making the house sparkly clean.

So I think this is what Mommy shall spend the afternoon doing. Ah, child labor. It's a good thing.

I'm in Bitchmode so watch out...

2006-08-17T15:24:00.000-07:00

Maybe this is just a bad week, or what, I don’t know. But I am so sick of working for a boss who acts like she cannot stand to be any where around me. My boss. Minnie Mouse, has such a hard on for me, that all my other co-workers have remarked on it. I can do nothing right. I can send out a memo. The same memo that has been sent out every year at this time for the last 6 years – All I did was change the date and add my name, and she rips it apart. (note – she sent this memo out herself the last 6 years, she WROTE the damn thing. So, if she doesn’t like the phrasing, then who’s to blame?)

Last Friday she had me do something that I had never done before. So I followed her directions to the letter, double and triple checked (because I have to with her, even if something is perfect, she will find fault with it). Monday, she came out and berated me in front of the entire office for doing it wrong. So, she tells me how to correct my mistake (by my mistake, I mean her mistake, because they were her damn directions) I correct the mistake, and she comes out and tells me AGAIN how I screwed up and did it all wrong. And MAYBE she did tell me the wrong thing to do, but really, “I SHOULD PAY MORE ATTENTION TO MY WORK AND ASK QUESTIONS IF I DON’T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING!” (now remember, I have never done this particular thing before, so I would have no idea what, if any questions I am suppose to ask. I was not given the reasoning behind what I am doing, just told to do it) So I had to spend even more time Monday doing something for the 3rd time, which could have been avoided if she had either a) done the damn thing herself, it is her job, or b) given me the right friggen directions. And of course, it was all my fault – she had nothing to do with it. By that point I was so pissed, I had made myself sick and went home with a migraine.

I had made arrangements with her to come in and leave early on Friday, so we could go to Havasu. IT WAS APPROVED THRU HER, and when I asked, I told her if she said no, it really wasn't a problem. She said 7-3 was just fine with her. So when I said something to her about working at 7 AM, she told me I was wrong, and she only agreed to 8-4, but if I was instant about 7 then she supposed she could do that. (like it was a big concession for her to make, when it was what she had agreed to in the first place.) Then yesterday, she tells me how she doesn't like that I go around and just make up my own schedule and come and go as I please. WTF? I came in early and left early one day, and it was approved thru her.

And this happens all the time. Every single day. It has gotten to the point that I feel like I am working in a war zone. I think she has developed a dislike for me, because the lady I replace last year had been here for 22 years. Minnie Mouse didn’t want her to retire. So there for, nothing I did compared to her. If old lady did something the old fashioned way, and I did it in 1/4 of the time by using the computer, why then that is wrong. Even if we got the exact same result.

Today is not as bad as Monday, but I am fed up with the constant little things and undermining. Does she do this with everyone in the office? Yes, to a point. But they have all made comments to me how much worse she is with me, and how constant it is.

I like what I do, I enjoy my job. I may make jokes about it, but I come to work and I give my all while I am here. But I CANNOT TAKE THIS MUCH LONGER.

Our Lake Havasu Trip

2006-08-14T17:03:00.000-07:00

Minhee tosses Little Man into the water(no children were harmed during the taking of this picture!)

We had a great time in
Lake Havasu City, AZ this weekend. We went with our neighbors/friends, and had a great room on the beach. Other than it being hotter than hell, it was a great time. Since Andy, Minhee, and Edward had never been to the London Bridge so we took them to the English Village under the bridge. I was really sad to see how the area has fallen into disrepair. The whole area really needs to be revitalized. So many of the shops have closed their doors, and the upkeep was neglected. We still had fun, but it is no where near the English Village I remember from when I was a kid.

A milestone

2006-08-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

This is my great aunt and uncle. What is so special about them? They just celebrated their 68th anniversary!!! That is an amazing thing.

All in a Days Work

2006-08-09T15:12:00.000-07:00

Daily to do list:

8:20 arrive at work, clock in.

8:25 – 9:00 catch up on emails, ready daily Dilbert. Chuckle to self.

9:00 – 11:00 Work industrially. Do as much as possible as quickly as possible

11:00 – 12:00 Lunch. Catch up with the gang in Genoa City on the Young and the Restless. (is anyone else ready to toss the writers under a fast moving bus? Gah, who writes these story lines? Would Victor just move to Tibet already?)

12:00 – 1:00 Catch up on blogs

1:00 – 2:00 Fantasy shop on the internet. Yes, I really need that $1200 purse.

2:00 – 2:30 Read the gossip on the internet

2:30 – 3:00 Pretend to work, while day dreaming of marrying Brad Pitt

3:00 – 3:30 Check on blogs again. You never know. Someone may have updated again.

3:30 - 4:00 Do some work

4:00 – 5:00 – Internet surf, do any administrative work that may need to be done for my book group, catch up on email.

Darn phone today is ring off the hook. Don’t these people know that they are interrupting my Brad Pitt fantasy time. Some people just have no manners these days. Sheesh.

Murphy: Lawman or Sadistic Ass Monkey?

2006-08-08T13:46:00.000-07:00

I spent two weeks working out all the details of my romantic weekend "away" with the Hubs. I worked out every angle. I had Dani to stay over with the kids. I had a BACKUP in case Dani couldn't. I had the perfect hotel room with a strip view. I had tickets to a show we had been wanting to see since we moved here, and had never been able to. I had things arranged with Hubs assistant, so he would not be bothered with work problems. His assistant coordinated things with me so I could just show up at work and kidnap him. No having to wait for him to finish work, or the opposite, being done sooner and leaving before I get there. I had my hair cut and highlights touched up the night before. I had the perfect makeup. I had the perfect "outfit" picked out (for later on *wink, wink*) I had even packed toys. TOYS, people! And Hubs knew none of this. It was all a big surprise for him.

Well, the damn Ass Monkey Murphy and his Ass Monkey laws, said there is no way that I can possibly let Crazy Lady go thru all this trouble and not mess with her. So what did he do? He called his damn sister, Aunt Flo. Apparently he told her that while she was in Vegas, she should stop on by and visit. So, there went 90% of my plans for the weekend. Right. Out. The. Window.

Giving Murphy's Laws the big 'ol one finger salute, we still had a fabulous time. We played tourist: walked the strip; watched the Red Socks at ESPN Zone; drank at the Harley Davidson Cafe; rode to the top of the Eiffel Tower; watched the Bellagio fountains; all the tourist type things. It was a great weekend, even with the lack of kanoodling

Let the Kanoodling Commence!

2006-08-05T10:53:00.000-07:00

Woo Woo! I am about to go kidnap the hubs from work and take him out for a romantic weekend on the town. He has no idea. I have things all arranged, kids are spending the night with friends. I have a romantic room all arranged. And some entertainment. Well, I have other entertainment planned too, but this is not that kind of blog, so you won't get all those details.

Random things I have said in the past week...

2006-08-02T12:45:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday! (to Big Guy, who turned 10. TEN! How can I possibly have a 10 year old child. that is just not possible)

Do not put your underwear on the dog!

If I hear one more fart out of you I swear I am going to put a cork in your butt!

No you may not have a BB gun.
No you may not have a BB gun.
No you may not have a BB gun.
No you may not have a BB gun.
No you may not have a BB gun.
Oh, look at that, Grandma bought you a BB gun.

How the hell could you get him a box of 4000 bb's AND a box of 10000 bb's? Do you have any idea how many bb's I am going to be vaccuming up in the next 6 months?

No, the dog may not have your underwear as a chew toy.

Nevermind, I changed my mind - if I stick a cork up your butt, I run the risk of it shooting out and blinding me.

Am I the only person in this damn town who knows how to drive?

I hate stupid people

No Jean (my mother in law) I will not drive 2 1/2 hours to help you clean out your garage... IN AUGUST IN 120 FUCKING DEGREE WEATHER. Are you nuts??? I don't live there. I haven't been shoving stuff in the garage for 10 years, and now think it suddenly needs to be cleaned out. Have Root (the druggie 30 year old sister in law who STILL lives with her mommy) do it. *ok, so maybe I have issues on this one*

And the shit just keeps on flowing

2006-07-25T14:02:00.000-07:00

Sunday was a very bad day for us in our house, and I wanted to remind everyone to take the time to hug and love on their kids (if you got ‘em). And for those of you who have older ones - to stress the importance of bike safety, or just safety in general.

Sunday, The Hubs, and the boys- Big Guy and Little Man- as well as a neighbor boy, Jo-e, were out doing fun stuff, when a 12 year old boy rode his bike out in front of Hub's truck; with out even looking, on a very busy street. (Lake Mead and MLK for you Vegas people). The Hubs hit him. The boy was with his 2 aunts, who were walking behind him both say that he never even looked, just took off across the street to his house on the other side. The boy is going to be ok, it was not a fatal accident, and the boy is in good condition, with maybe a broken bone or two. From a legal stand point we are ok, it was the boys fault - the cop cited the boy, even. But from a parental stand point - it is a nightmare. The Hubs has been tearing himself up over hurting a kid, even if it wasn't his fault; and because he had both our boys with him in the truck, they have been pretty shook up too.

Yesterday Hubs went around and got estimates on the truck; the hood, the grill and the right front headlight assembly all need to be replaced. $1400!!!! Apparently, this month I am just expected to start pulling money out of my ass. Either that or I’m going to have to start pan-handling down at Sahara and the Strip on my way home from work. So if any of you see a slightly crazed lady wearing heels begging for money in that area – be kind and spare a sister some change.

2006-07-21T12:31:00.000-07:00

Its a bird! Its a plane! Its Super Geek Girl! Able to fix an computer in a single click! Fighting for truth, justice, and the geek way!

If shit rolls down hill, then I must be below sea level

2006-07-20T10:15:00.000-07:00

This month can be over anytime now. No really. I am sick of all this shit. So far this month, I have had nearly $2500 in UNEXPECTED expenses.

Starting with the fridge craping out (and I am not counting the lost food in that figure).

I had an expected bill arive to the tune of $500.00

We had the landscape company come and work on the yard. Hey, it looks friggen awsome. They fixed some wind damage, and trimmed the tress all nice and pretty like. But the cost was $600, we expected it to be between $150 and $200. I don't think it looks $600 dollars worth of awsome.

Then Monday, on my way to work, I was in a car accident. It was technically my fault, but the guy I hit even said there would have been no way to avoid it. He even told the cop that he shouldn't site me. He had to stop really fast because some guy in front of him, and I was making a lane change at the same time. and so it was either hit him, or broadside some other guy. Him - big work truck; other guy - little metro. Big truck won out. BUT my new car ( MY BRAND NEW CAR PEOPLE! MY HAVEN'T EVEN MADE A PAYMENT ON IT YET CAR! *sob*) is in the shop. Want to hear the pisser part of that? Last month I up'd my deductable from $500 to $1000, and I got rid of towing and car rental. After all I have had insurance with the same company for 15 years and had been paying for those for 15 years, and never needed them. So now I have no car - have to bum rides - and I have to pay $1000 to get my car fixed. Oh yeah, and I am fine. Just sore, and pissy about being in an accident.

And now my microwave has up and died on me too. I have been wanting to get one of those microwave range hood combos, but really! This is not how I wanted to get it. But, if I am going to go buy a new microwave, I may as well spend the extra $ to get it now, rather than get it in a few months and have spent $ on a microwave that is useless after that.

Then we have work added to the mix. YUCK. I have 5 special projects that all have to be completed by the end of the month, on top of my normal crap I am responsible for. PLUS we had a new server installed this week. Since I am the local Geek Girl (see my super geek cape flying behind me?) I have also been the one responsible for the server upgrade and the Geeks (our oursourced IT guys) What does that mean? The day after my car accident, I was here working with them. Until 3 AM! The next morning! And, I had to come in and work the next day - taking care of computer issues all day. As long as they are working on the server, I am here with them. Today is day 3. I am not a happy person. In fact, given the lack of sleep, and the sore body from the accident. I am pretty damn bitchy. Fine - I am REALLY damn bitchy.

I do have one bright side so far for this month. Friday night I was able to go see my
favorite author, Laurell K. Hamilton My friends Ange, Lill, and I went and listened to her speak, answer question, and she signed books too! It was really great.

Ange and Laurel K. Hamilton

Me and Laurel K. Hamilton. Really REALLY bad picture of me

Lill and Laurel K. Hamilton. She always takes great pictures. pfft.

All of us!

More of all of us!

Ok, 'nuff of me bellyaching about life! Back to work, and back to my Super Geek Girl life!

Edited to add: I came home tonight after work, and my beautiful 18 ft. Queen Ann Palm tree was blown over from the wind. GAH! To quote a friend "PFFT on this shit!"

Sink or swim

2006-07-14T10:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the long dry spell. I have been without a computer at home. Damn, that seriously cuts into my blogging time. Anyway... I am at work and I answered the phone a little bit ago.

Crazy Lady: Accounting, this is Crazy Lady

Old Biddy: Crazy Lady this is Old Biddy. (damn, I hate this woman. Everytime she calls me with 60 years of smoking voice I just cringe. She is a negative, awful, self centered, rich everything-should-be-my-way bitch. Her husband use to be a huge bigshot in Hollywood, and that means that still today, everyone should bow and scrape in front of her)

CL: What can I help you with today?

OB: I want to know why I bother to belong to the country club?

CL: Well, I am sure I cannot answer that for you. What can I help you with?

OB: Well, as you know I live on the 2nd green (um, no I didn't know that, and really I don't give a rat's ass where you live, and what sort of status you think that gives you)

CL: Yes, and how can I help you with that.

OB: They just did this greens beautification thing, and I think you should have checked with me first. (OH my, really? The course should run on your schedule. REALLY?)

CL: I'm sorry, ma'am. We did send out letters to all members stating the club's intent to improve the course, and it was voted on by a majority of the members and the board.

OB: But they did it the day after my pool man came!

CL: I'm sorry? (what the hell does your pool man have to with the grass?)

OB: Now I have manure in my pool, and you cannot swim in manure!

CL: No ma'am, you certainly cannot.

Oh god, that is great. My new mantra. You cannot swin in manure! I don't think she even knew that it was so damn funny. It was all I could do not to laugh in her face, and say "No you cannot swim in shit"

Happy 4th

2006-07-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

Wow! 4th of July already. It's hot. Humid. Raining. I am recovering from a migraine, and all I want to do is take (another) nap. But soon, we will be going to a Andy and Minhee's house for korean food (YUM!) and then on to the air force base (Andy is military, so he can get us on) for 4th of July fun and fire works! That will give me the boost I need. We had a block party last night with fireworks which all the neighbors contributed too. It was totally impromptu, all the neighbors (about 6 households) in front of our house doing fireworks with all the kids. Kids with sparklers, men playing pool in the garage (we have a pool table in our garage, and I swear it is the best way to make friends in a new neighborhood. Open up the door, and men in a 3 block radius can hear it and show up with beer to play pool) And moms sitting around talking and watching the kids. It was great. Just what I picture when I think of a block party.

The only down side to the holiday weekend, was the fridge dying yesterday. Dead. Kaput. It was still running, but not doing anything. Everything in the freezer had melted. So at 3 PM yesterday we were running around looking for a new one, and one we could take home with us, not have delivered. We found one at a local outlet center for a huge furniture store, and got it for $400 off, because it is missing the grill thing that goes on the very bottom front. Yeah, I checked on line. I can order one for $25 bucks. I would say that was a good deal!

Happy 4th my friends. Please forgive the rambly-ness of this post, but hey - i had a migraine all morning. The fact that I am upright and typing is about all you can hope for!

Problem Solver for Hire

2006-06-28T14:30:00.000-07:00

Looking for someone to solve all your problems? Need someone to think outside the box for you? Or to darn lazy to think inside of the box for yourself? Then call Crazy Lady’s Problem Solving. I have an extensive background in problem solving; I am, after all, a wife and mother. I am able to find lost items, fix broken toys, and come up with creative solutions to all your problems. Cold, want to warm up; No need to turn up the heat – put on a sweater! Lost your wallet, haven’t seen it in 2 days? Try looking in the pocket of the pants you wore that day! Barbie lost her head over Ken again? No, literally lost her head? I’ll shove it back on for you! I can do it all. No problem is to big or to small for me to solve. I’ve got big shoulders, feel free to pile the problems on!

A Million cookies

2006-06-27T13:41:00.000-07:00

My Big Guy is visiting my brother and sister-in-law (and my little sweetie-pie girls!) down in Tucson. Check them out over at
Olsonsfour. He is having a great time. And hopefully he is behaving himself!

Yesterday, they made cookies. Big Guy said he loved cookies and could eat a million of them. So they figured out how long it would take to eat a million cookies. Eating one cookie a minute, it would take 694.4 days. That is 1.9 years to eat a million cookies.

My Million Dollar Baby, part 2

2006-06-22T13:57:00.000-07:00

Quick recap: Big Guy – age 4, was diagnosed with Neurofibromatosis (NF1),and we started our rounds of doctor appointments.
Eyes - great
Brain – ok - tumors, but none that required surgery, just monitoring
Back – so so – scoliosis, but only 30° curve. May only require monitoring, or possibly back brace.
Mom – Pregnant - 20 days over due with Little Man – not happy at all to be carrying around a beach ball 24/7.

So, after going to my OB’s office and refusing to leave until he induced me, Little Man arrived, perfectly health in only 42 minutes of labor.

Shortly after he was born the entire family went to Flagstaff, AZ. to a Geneticist. Turns out, only Big Guy has NF. NF is a genetic disease, with a 50/50 chance of passing it on, according to the geneticist, approximately 40% of all “new” cases of NF are from genetic mutations. And NF affects 1 out of every 5000 births. Since neither Hubs, nor I have NF, Big Guys is the result of a genetic mutation. Perhaps you wondered why I told you I was so incredibly sick during my pregnancy with Big Guy. I think that maybe my body knew he was “different” and was reacting to it. Men, you may scoff at that idea, but the moms out there know what I am talking about.

In January of ’01 we went back to the doctor in Phoenix for Big Guy’s back check up. His curve had progressed from 30° to 45° in 6 weeks. That is a huge, huge, jump. The doctor became concerned and ordered more tests, more x-rays, and another MRI. 4 weeks later we were back for the results of all those tests. Surgery. On my little boy. My tiny little 4 year old boy.

Surgery was scheduled for August 29th of ’01. We continued to spend the spring and summer running all over the state of Arizona for doctor appointments and pre-op appointment. And Big Guy’s curve continued to progress. The week before surgery, for his final pre-op, his curve was at 79°. For those of you who remember your high school geometry – plot that out on a graph. For those of you who don’t remember – that is damn near a right angle. His back very much looked like an “S”. Anything after 80° is when the body starts to loose functions, as the spinal cord becomes compressed. Luckily, we missed out that, but he does have some rib and sternum deformity due to this curvature which he will have the rest of his life.

One of the hardest things Hubs and I had to do was watch our little boy walk his way back into the surgery room. Parents cannot be with the kids when they go back. He had his choice to walk back on his own, ride on a bed, or ride in a wagon. He chose to walk. I was so proud of him walking away, brave as can be, holding the nurse’s hand, his little butt sticking out of his hospital gown. He was so brave.

Hubs and I settled down in the uncomfortable St. Joseph’s small little surgery waiting area. It is little more than a wide spot in the hall with about 12 or 15 chairs. Those chairs were a hot commodity. If you got a chair, you didn’t give it up for nothing. I can still remember how very slow the seconds ticked by, waiting for any news on what was happening behind those closed doors. How you held your breath when a nurse walked out and called "Family of so and so?" Just waiting for your his name to be called, wanting any information at all.

*disclaimer – graphic surgery stuff here*

While we were out there waiting, here is what they were doing to my Big Guy. His scoliosis surgery was both anterior and posterior. First the went in thru his left side, making a long incision from just about his shoulder blade around front to a few inches away from his bellybutton, following the line of his ribs. They took out his two floating ribs on that side, and sent them off to be ground up into a bone mush – almost like applesauce. One surgeon deflated his lungs, and moved the heart and lungs out of the way, so the other doctors had a clear view of the front of his spine. The doctors inserted what look like “J” hooks into the spine, and repaired what damage they could from the front. They then rolled him over onto his front, and cut down the back, opening up so they could see the spinal cord. They place rods along side the spine and secure them with the “J” hooks. This straightened the spine out. The doctors then took that bone mush and placed it all along the area where the bones had curved. That mush bone would fuse and graft into the vertebrae over time, forming a single section of bone, rather than several vertebrae.

Recovery in the hospital was hard. I spent every night there with him, and Hubs slept at a near by hotel. Would you believe that they were trying to make him get up and walk the day after surgery? I know, I know – the sooner you get moving the better – but when you are a mama watching them make your son move after they have sliced him open clear to kingdom come, that doesn’t really matter. Poor baby could not even hold his head up on his own. Every picture we have of him is with his head listing to the side. To make matters even more fun, we found out that Big Guy is allergic to codeine. The only thing they gave kids that age for pain was Tylenol with Codeine. It makes him throw up, violently. Not what you want to be doing right after surgery.

He was fitted for a brace, which he would have to wear 22 hours a day. It covered his entire torso, from his collar bones to hips. It allowed for no back movement what so ever. To make it, they rolled a body stocking up his body, and made a cast of his body, so the brace was a one of a kind, fit only to his body.

I very clearly remember the morning the doctor came in and said Big Guy could be released from the hospital. Big Guy was still half asleep, and groggily watching Sponge Bob. The Doctor was subdued and quiet, when he gave us the good news. I called Hubs, who was still at the hotel, told him to check out, we could go home! Then I called my mom to let her know we would be home that afternoon (we still had a 3 hour drive home after leaving the hospital). My mom told me to turn on the TV. A plane had just hit the Pentagon. I DIDN”T BELIEVE HER! I thought that she had heard wrong, or it was maybe a little 2 seater Cessna. You know – “wing-ding-ding-ding-BANG, oops! I bumped the Pentagon” So, I didn’t even turn the TV channel. Once Big Guy fell asleep, I changed the channel and saw. That day will for ever be etched on my memory, as I am sure it will be on all of ours. We tried to leave the hospital, but that was such a challenge. They had the hospital on “lock down” with only one small side entrance on either side open. No one who worked at the hospital really knew which entrance was open, or where they were at. And then to get in OR out of the hospital (once we finally did find the entrance) we had to show ID, wait for the guard to radio up to the nurses desk and make sure they really had released Big Guy. Traffic was terrible trying to get out of the city, and all we wanted to do was take our poor sick baby home.

Recovery at home went smoothly; Big Guy progressed from walking with a little red walker, to walking on his own, to going back to kindergarten 6 weeks later. As long as he wore his brace and didn’t participate in PE he was fine.

We knew that he would require surgery again to remove the rods in his back, given his young age and small size. They don’t make rods which grow with you! His back curve was corrected down to a 17° curve; not visible to the naked eye.

More surgery in part 3…

I have tried adding pictures of him in the different stages he went thru, but Blogger has refused to let me add pictures for 2 weeks now. Anyone have any ideas on what to do?

Meme, meme, meme, It's all about meme

2006-06-20T13:44:00.000-07:00

Amy, over at Amy's Musings taged me with a meme. So, to amuse you while I complete the rest of my Million Dollar Baby post, here is my "5 things" meme:

5 Things in my fridge:
Heck, my fridge is full. I just went shopping Saturday. So let’s focus on one thing – Cheese:
Feta Cheese Crumbles
Cottage Cheese
String Cheese
Cream Cheese
Parmesan Cheese

5 Things in my closet:
Besides Shoes, Shoes, and more Shoes? 'Cause - Trust me, I got a lot of shoes:
Hub’s Ties
The Hamper
A hook with my night gown on it
A box of Purses
Matchbox Cars - Little Man, thinks my closet is a great place for a little car repair shop

5 Things in my purse:
A ton of crap - is that a good answer? No? Ok:
Little Man’s Birth Certificate – from registering him in Kindergarten
I Pod
Digital Camera
Eleteric Bill – Note to self – drop that sucker off!!!!
Gum – lots and lots of gum

5 Things in my car:
A week ago, this would have been an easy one. But with the new car – there is not much:
Pair of Shorts to return to Target - I got them for Princess, and they are way to big.
Jumper Cables
Emergency roadside kit
Box of Books from Amazon
Cell Phone Charger

I don't think I will tag anyone - but if you want to do this, let me know and I will link to you!

2006-06-18T16:16:00.000-07:00

Happy Fathers Day! We went to Cars yesterday. Great movie! The kids went bonkers for it. lol This morning Hubs got a Goffer golf head cover, a Patriots coffee mug, a shirt, and 6 new metal tiki torches, so we can get rid of those trashy falling apart bamboo ones. Then, we met the folks at Bolder Dam, had buffet at a casino right there and swapped kids. (Princess has spent the last week in Arizona with grandparents, and now it is Big Guy's turn) Tonight we are having friends over for swimming and BBQ. So I am cleaning house and cooking.

Where are the days when Dad got to spend the holiday taking a nap, so Mom could nap on the other couch right along side of him?

My Million Dollar Baby, Pt 1

2006-06-14T16:36:00.000-07:00

I have thought about writing this post for a long time. This is the story of my son.

We were living in Lake Havasu, Arizona.

Big Guy was born in July 1996. I was miserably sick with him during my pregnancy. I lost 30 pounds (back in my skinny days – 30 pounds I didn’t have to loose) I could eat almost nothing. Only cheddar cheese crackers and AM PM hamburgers. And trust me, AM PM Hamburgers are the bottom of the food chain. They are not even real meat. At the time they were 2 for a $1, so on our way home from work, Hubs and I would stop and buy 2, one for dinner and one for the next day. I am not kidding when I say I spent half my days barfing. When Big Guy was born he was 9 pounds on the nose; a healthy baby boy to all outward appearances. He did have a few “freckles” on his little body, and a small lump under the skin of his right forearm. We asked his pediatrion about the lump, he said it was a fatty deposit and not to worry about it – it would breakdown with time.

About two years later, after Princess was born, we switched to a new ped. I asked him about the lump on his arm, which was not breaking down, but nor was it getting any larger. I also asked about his freckles, which were now larger and more numerous. That doctor also told me that his lump was a fatty deposit, and his spots were just that – spots.

So time passes. Big Guy’s lump remains unchanged, and new spots appear every now and then. I find out that our family is increasing with Little Man, and I decided that before the new baby arrives, I want to switch to a new ped. I was not happy with the other doctor. He had a brisk manner, not very kid friendly, and trying to get a hold of anyone in his office was a nightmare. Once you did schedule an appointment, you were guaranteed a 2 hour wait past your appointment time, in his lobby. So I did some research, asked around, and found a brand new doctor, who had just moved to town and set up practice with her daughter, also a doctor. So I call and make both the kids wellness checks with the new doctor. One night while getting the kids ready for bed, Big Guy was walking away from me in just his jammy bottoms. I noticed a peculiar shadow on his back. I call him back to me, and check it out. Nothing. So, away he goes again. Same shadow. I call him back again. I run my hand down his spine. A curve. I have him bend over like they do for the scoliosis checks in school. OH CRAP, A CURVE. Minor mommy panic begins to take hold. Hubs checks Big Guy out, and sees/feels the same thing. He assures me - “Don’t worry – it’s probably nothing. And he and Princess have an appointment with the new doctor next week – we’ll ask her what she thinks.” Besides, he’s only just turned 4, and always been very healthy. This is just mommy being a worry wart. Right?

The day of our appointment comes. We get to meet Dr. Bird; a wonderful lady in her lat 40’s early 50’s. She use to be kindergarten teacher, before going back to school when her daughter entered college, and they graduated medical school together. Denise, the nurse, took very complete histories of the kids, and Hubs and I were impressed with how much attention they paid the kids. They it came time for the physical exam. After Princess, Big Guy stripped to his underoos, and hops up on the exam table (shaped like a big blue elephant). Dr. Bird examines Big Guy, then walks out into the hall, and tells Denise to reschedule her next few appointment, or see if her daughter can take them. Hubs and I exchange glances. This cannot be good.

Dr. Bird came in and asked us if we have ever heard of NEUROFIBROATOSIS (neuro – fibro-ma-toes-is) NF1 for short. Nope. In a nutshell, NF1 produces may different problems, but mainly it causes tumors to grow on nerve endings, and bone deformities. He has several of the outward signs - His “spots” (cafe-au-lait spots), the large number of freckles in his armpit and groin area, the lump on his arm, and also developing one in his left eye – noticeable when he is tired and his eyelid droops , and his scoliosis. Dr. Bird spent about 45 minutes with us going over what NF is and what our possible courses of actions could be. She also set us up with a huge amount of referrals for specialists. All of a sudden we were faced with driving our son all over the state of Arizona for doctor visits.

We did what most people do when faced with something unknown and scary. We turned to the internet. That was probably not the best idea. There I was, 8 months pregnant, overly emotional, and looking at medical information on the internet. I have found that when it comes to NF – generally the worst case scenario is always shown. And because NF is genetic, I had no idea if our soon to be baby would have it.

We started our 1st round of doctor visits. Big Guy had a neurologist, and orthopedist, and ophthalmologist appointments in Phoenix, 3 hours away from home. He also had an MRI of his brain and an MRI and a CT scan of his back scheduled. Very daunting and scary for a little 4 year old boy to face. But he was so brave. The MRI’s and CT scan were all scheduled the same day, so the doctors sedated him for the procedures. Ever take care of a 4 year old coming out of anesthesia? It was like having a 4 year old drunk on my hands. He was kind of funny, but sad at the same time.

The neurologist gave us news we didn’t want to hear. Big Guy had several tumors in his brain. The plus side was they were all in areas where they were not causing any problems, and so we did not have to have surgery. He would just have an MRI every 6 months to monitor them.

On to the ophthalmologist, who after dilating Big Guy’s eyes, and looking in them with a special (and HUGE) machine, told us that he did not have any Lisch nodules or iris hamartomas (tumors in the eyes). Yipee! Good news!

The orthopedist told us that his scoliosis curve was at 30 degrees. Not to bad, just barely visible to the naked eye. At his age, probably not much to worry about, and correctable with a brace. Ok, so that is ok news too. We made an appointment for 6 weeks later, just a follow up, and to further evaluate the need for a back brace.

How did we get from there to surgery less than a year later? I’ll post part 2 and let you know.

Intermission

2006-06-14T16:35:00.000-07:00

I am working on a long post, so there is a small lull here while I get it all the way I want it! Please, talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic. Hairy-backed men, and the women who love them.

Crazy spoiled bitch, that's me!

2006-06-10T15:57:00.000-07:00

Not only am I Crazy, I am also spoiled! Look what I got! Brand new. Had 3.3 miles on it . Sun roof, sport transmission, fast!

A brand new Subaru Legacy. Not only is it fast and sporty. It is one of the safest cars on the road. One of only 5 cars to earn the Gold rating, which means it has earned the 5 star safety crash rating in all 5 areas! Woo Hoo! Yeah me!

I have a new car, neener, neener, neener!

Some random thoughts going thru my head this Friday

2006-06-09T09:53:00.000-07:00

The name EDWARDS can be spelled entirly with the left hand on the key board.

Typing HUMPERDINCK still makes me giggle.

DUMB ASS STATEMENT OF THE WEEK:
"JUST BECAUSE IT HAS THAT ADDRESS ON YOUR BILL, DOESN’T MAKE IT AN ADDRESS, JUST THE PLACE IT WAS SENT TO. "

WTF? (this was said to me by the lady at the kids new school when I tried to register them for net year. I had an entire stack of mail - non of which qualified as "proof of address". Including my gas bill, my cable bill, the credit card statements, a bank statement, and MY MORTGAGE statement)

I really wish I was at home. I could be painting the dining room at home. Here, I am pretending to look busy.

I think I have entered the TWILIGHT ZONE. The Big Boss, who spends the day stomping around the club, looking crabby, and scowling, just came in the office. He was laughing and joking. Being…. Well, jolly. Very strange. Not at all like him. In fact, I don't think I have ever seen him do that. I think he was abducted by aliens. Or they finally got his meds right. Or the mrs finally touched his peeps last night. (say it with me - EWWWWWWW)

Speaking of meds, I went to the Doctor (again) this week. She switched my meds (again). It seems to be working very well. Other than going pee every 30 minutes, that is. And the muscle cramping. So, I'm going to be on a steady diet of water to take care of that, Ok people? Well time to go pee again, so I'm off!

Show me the thunder, baby!

2006-06-04T23:05:00.000-07:00

Guess where I went this weekend. Come on... GUESS! Nope. Not there, either. Naw, not that. Give up?
I'll give you a hint. My ticket stub says "YOU ASSUME ALL RISK AND DANGER OF BEING INJURED BY THROWN, BATTED, KICKED, SHOT, ETC. OBJECTS"

Ok, I'll tell you. THUNDER FROM DOWN UNDER, BABY! Oh yeah, half nekkid Aussie boys. *insert pause here to think of yummy half nekkid Aussie boys*

My friend, Minhee, is from Korea and a has only been in the states for about a year. She said she had never seen a male strip show. Being the kind, wonderful person that I am, how could I continue to allow such a travesty? I took her. Purely out of the goodness and kindness of my heart. SHUT UP!!! It's my story! So Dani, my resident Best-Vegas-Friend & Hair-Goddess, and I took Minhee out and, well... you get the picture.

Speaking of pictures. Muhahahaha. I was the designated driver, and keeper of the camera. Can you say - blackmail?

What - no embarassing pictures of me? HA! I was the one with the camera, remember? And, I was the only sober one. But, just to make it fair. Here is the worst shot of me for the evening Yeah, hard to believe I was the sober one, I know.

But that still brings me back to my ticket stub. Given the type of show "Thunder from Down Under" is... what was I endager of being hit, batted, or shot with. Really, I don't want to know.

Obsess much???

2006-05-31T21:18:00.000-07:00

I have an "thing" with the Eiffel Tower and Paris. Strange, Paris is not tops on my list of places to vist someday. Its not even in the top three! But if you were to look at my house, you would never know it. It all started with
This picture
Which led to these lamps.
Because they go with the picture
So when I saw this trio of black and white Paris prints, I had to have them too.
I got this one as a Christmas Gift.
OOO A Champs-Elysees print. Had to buy that one too...
The TOWER! Only BIG! I had to have it.
I even went so far as to get a Thomas Kinkade print - only because it is of Paris in the afternoon
And now it has come down to this. A Sink Stopper. Am I so sick that I even must have Paris Sink Stoppers?

And this is just a part of my sickness. I didn't show you the sheets, the hat box, the purse, the jammies, the.... well, you get the picture.

My little man about town

2006-05-30T20:16:00.000-07:00

My little man went hiking and
geocaching today out at Lake Mead while I had to slave away in an office. I swear - I love his sitter! She does the funnest stuff with him!

Have a Safe Holiday Weekend!

2006-05-27T23:01:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend. We are having a party tonight, and tomorrow friends are coming over for swimming and BBQ! Well, the kiddos have crashed out on the living room floor, and it's almost my turn at the pool table, so be safe everyone!

~Crazy Lady

Still Hurting after all this Time

2006-05-25T12:59:00.000-07:00

Princess came into our room in the middle of the night. I tried to shoo her back to her room, like I usually do if the kiddos wake me up when they come in. (if they don’t wake me up, they crawl right on in and I wake up in a hot sweaty mommy/kid/dog/blanket pile) But, she said she had a nightmare and didn’t want to go back without some snuggles. So I let her crawl into bed with us, and cuddled into her. Poor thing! She was shaking, and crying. I asked her if she wanted to tell me about the bad dream, and in a shaking whisper she said:

“I was playing outside with a friend and the bad guys flew a plane into our house and killed all of you”

Oh my. 9/11 was 4 ½ years ago. She wasn’t even 4 years old when it happened. I never really thought it would make an impact on her, or that I would have to deal with her trauma from it, so many years later.

A Sad Waste of a Good Mind (my rant)

2006-05-23T10:28:00.000-07:00

I am slowly being driven to the brink of insanity by my job and by the evil computers that live there. Pretty soon that "Crazy Lady" part will be true. I have mentioned before that I am sort of the unofficial IT person here. I say unofficial, because my wage certainly doesn't reflect what I do. But, it is part of my job. I trouble shoot, install, reconnect, repair, and order new equipment. We do have an outsourced IT company, and they are fab, but at their prices, I get to do most of the advanced work. I only call them in when I cannot handle stuff. Recently stuff *cough - crap - cough* has been breaking down left and right. Not all of it can be blamed on old equipment (although a great deal of it can be). I AM SO SICK OF STUPID PEOPLE WHO SHOULE NOT BE ALLOWED WITH IN 25 YARDS OF ANY COMPUTER I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR.

Twice yesterday, I was called to the kitchen because the computer was down and the world was coming to an end. The sky was falling; panic in the streets; we are all doomed. What was wrong? THE FRIGGEN CAPS LOCK WAS ON and so the servers couldn't enter their passwords. Not fifteen minutes after I calmly explained to the server and the hostess that even though they need the caps lock on for the daily work, it MUST BE OFF when entering the password, they called me again WITH THE EXACT SAME PROBLEM. Gah!

Every 120 days we are required to change our password for the time system. So around the time that most people change we send out a memo, reminding them how to do it. So far 3 people today have come running to me in a panic over the time computer being down. Because they entered a new password with out being prompted. People! If it doesn't ask you to change your password... DON'T!

We are getting a new server in 2 months. This is a major undertaking, and will require hours and hours ofpreparationn (Read: long boring meetings with my boss who has to read everything out loud. Twice) to switch over. Our old server is just that: OLD. So, it is slow. Apparently I am responsible for that too. *whine* Crazy Lady, the computer is slow *whine* Crazy Lady, make it faster *whine* Crazy Lady, I cannot log on *whine* Crazy Lady *whine* Crazy Lady *whine

Ok, now on the next reason why I have one foot in the crazy boat, and the other in Loony Ville.

In December our Assistant General Manager left. In February they hired a new one. She is just in charge of Food and Beverage, so not over me, but I do have to work with her a lot. She is 23, just graduated college, and dumb as a bag of ass. We'll call her Gidget. Gidget blew someone to get her job. I swear it must be true. She does not do a 10th of what the old asst. GM did. Yet, she walks around all the time in her perky little blond pony tail and her power suits going on and on about how busy she is. And what a big important high powered job she has (I do the bank recs' chickie, I make more than you - trust me, this aint no big high powered job) If she walks in my door and tells me "phew, its getting crazy out there" one more time I swear I will just take her down.

Some examples of how dumb she is:

The copy/printer in her office jammed. So she asked for help clearing it...Becausee she didn't want to get her shirt dirty. When she was told we are all responsible for our own equipment, and she needed to remove the single jammed piece of paper herself - she called theXerox repair man! Seriously! To. Remove. One. Sheet. Of. Paper.

When doing a costing analysis of a member function, (because she had never done it before) I showed her exactly what to do. All she had to do was take it back to her desk and enter the numbers in. She still had to re-do it 3 times. 3!

For Easter Brunch and Dinner, she entered the wrong price into the system, so 300+ people were over chanrged.

She did the same thing for Mother's Day.

I have had to show her several times how to print something out of Excel.

Monday, I did a system update. I repeatedly told her that she would need to take the disk out to the Golf Shack as soon as I was done, so she could upload it, because the Shack cannot do anywork until that disk is uploaded. So Gidget came in, and rather than going out and doing it herself, LIKE SHE WAS SUPPOSE TO, she had a porter take the disk out. The shack server had no clue what to do with it. I went looking for Gidget, she had gone home. All she had done was come in, get the disk from me, find a porter and have them take it out. So, I had to hike out in heels to the Shack yesterday - with a golf tournament going on - to do the update myself, then haul my very pissy ass back in. I lost an hour of work having to do that.

This place is slowly rotting my brain. At some point I fully expect to be a drooling, blubbering, vaccant eyed zombie typing away at my computer.

Like mother, Like Daughter

2006-05-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

I took Princess for her first "pedicure" tonight! Ok, I got the pedicure, she just got her toes painted, but it was so much fun! Here are our beautiful purple (she picked the color) toes, with a line of purple gems along the big toes.

Princess enjoying her first "grown up" pedicure

Getting the gems put on her toes

Do you see the family resemblance?

A Photographic Day in My Life

2006-05-16T18:44:00.000-07:00

Morning time is doggy love on daddy time. The second I get out of bed, they snuggle into Hubs

I put on my makeup, and get all "dolled up" for work.

Here is my lovely breakfast. Bagle with onion and chive cream cheese. Not so good on the breath, but oh so yummy in the tummy.

Princess thinks I am crazy for taking a picture of my bagel.

Here are my lovely toes, in my new shoes. Yea! New shoes!

My facinating drive to work

After I drop off Little Man at the sitters.

This is where I work. Beautiful, no?

The oldest private golf country club in Vegas. Woo Woo. Very Shee-shee members, lots of old money - not that any of it is mine!

But, do you think I get to look at this lovely view during the day?

No, I get to look at brick walls all day. I work in a big brick box.

So this is where I spend 40 hours a week. Lovely.

After staring at the bricks all day I have to come home and sit by the pool for the day. My friend and hair goddess Dani comes and gets some sun with me. She tans, I burn, turn red, and become pasty again. Thanks norwegian ancestors. I really enjoy the complete lack of skin pigment.

Here is my self shot of me and Charlie, with Samson in the back ground. I suck at taking pictures of myself. I never manage to smile in them.

So to make up for my terrible self picture. Here is my awsome and amazing talent. I can pick things up with my toes. Seriously. Anything. My phone had fallen on the ground, so I picked it up. I can write with my toes too. Now I know you are jealous! Also, I can move my wiggle my pinkey toes, like people would wiggle their index finger.

So there you have it. My days in a nut shell

Yo mama!

2006-05-14T13:03:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to all my friends out there in computer land. Even if some of you are not mothers, or don't have mothers, lets spend the day relaxing and just enjoying life. We all need a little down time every now and then!

~Crazy Lady in Vegas ~ who's spending the day in the pool with the kiddos, eating watermellon and BBQing!

SHOW ME THE....fridge???

2006-05-12T09:07:00.000-07:00

The Painting Chef is having a show me your fridge day! I took pictures last night, then the dumb internet connection at home wouldn't work. So, I was all bummed that I couldn't show you all my messy cluttered fridge. And I know you were all upset not to see it. But! Wait! I posted my super clean fridge back in February right before we moved. Hmm... Super clean fridge... dirty fridge... clean. dirty. clean. dirty. The choices!!! So guess which one you are going to be seeing today?

***PLEASE NOTE: This is right before we moved. Trust me, my fridge is never this empty! (or this clean) But I was preparing to move, no way was I going grocery shopping, and have to move all that crap twice.

Tick, tock, tick, tock

2006-05-11T12:54:00.000-07:00

Why, oh why, do we teach our children to tell time??? Why do we not wait until they are... say - ready to leave the house and live on their own, to teach them to tell time? Or don't teach them until they are 16 and driving.

What has brought this on? My children should never have been taught the mysteries of the big hand and the little hand!

With the kids at home, we seem to do a lot of video games. So we set the timer, 20 min each. That sounds fair, right? But, yet, they still argue! "No he got an extra minute" "She used 2 minutes of my time!"

And don't get me started on bed time! If bedtime is 9:00, there is no way their heads will touch a pillow at 8:59. Or did somone get to stay up 10 minutes later then them! The outrage!!!! And if someone happened to fall asleep during the middle of the day? Well then, they think their bedtime should be pushed back by the number of minutes they were alseep.

Like there is some great time bank out there, where sleeping minutes are deposited and kept track of by gnomes.

Top Ten

2006-05-05T14:10:00.000-07:00

I found this on the internet and thought it was funny enough to share! Top Ten LEAST Popular Children’s Videos (mostly because all my "mommy set" friends have been to see the Wiggles on stage this week - so it has been the hot topic of conversations, and the Wiggle one made me laugh)

10. Winnie-the-Pooh & The Terrorist Too

9. Blues Clues: Magenta Finds A Meth House

8. Bob The Builder: Can We Fix Fido?

7. Veggie Tales: Carl The Courageous Cannabis Plant

6. Thomas & Friends: Crash Footage

5. The Wiggles: Ecstasy Rave Party

4. Baby Einstein: Puff Daddy DVD

3. Riding In Barney’s Car With Girls

2. Dora Explores Occupied Iraq

1. Elmo Goes Postal

Hell Hath No Fury

2006-05-04T16:53:00.000-07:00

Hell hath no fury like a mama that's pissed off.

I was just informed by Hubs that Big Guy turned in a progress report to his teacher. That's what he is suppose to do, no? Except - neither Hubs nor I had seen it. But yet, it was signed by Hubs. Hubs was called ~ at work ~ by the teacher, and told of the forgery. There is going to be a red butt in the Crazy household tonight.

CRAZY LADY'S TIPS FOR CLEANING OUT THE FRIDGE

2006-05-03T15:25:00.000-07:00

You should throw it out if you answer yes to any of the following.

1. What color is *insert any food item* supposed to be?

2. Does this smell funny to you? (gah! Don't ask me that!)

3. Do you remember how long ago I made this? (If you have to ask...)

4. Does this taste a little funny to you? (Again - if you have to ask...)

5. I didn't know we had raisins. (We didn't.)

6. What did this use to be? (If you can't tell, then it must be thrown away.)

7. Slime is not a food group

8. Neither is mold

9. I don't remember cooking anything "gray and lumpy"

10. If it shys away from the fridge light

11. If it growls at you when you reach for it

And now you know.

Whats the Buzz!

2006-05-02T15:59:00.000-07:00

Vegas has hit spring full force – the weather is hot and steamy, making an afternoon in the pool a great way to cool off – already! So yesterday, the Hubs and the kiddos are in the pool, along with a neighbor boy (not the awful stalker neighbor boy, this one is ok) A bee lands in the water in front of Hubs. He does what any strong he-man type would do. He tries to drown it. All of a sudden the kids start screaming. Bloody murder, therapy for life type screaming. Joey – the good neighbor kid – says “um, Hubs, look up” There was a swarm of bees hovering over the pool and the back yard. The kids are screaming and there was a very quick mass exodus of the pool. They next thing I know, my quiet living room is being invaded by screaming, wet, dripping children, and a slightly green Hubs. Hubs takes one look at my face and can tell I am about to blow my stack over all the pool water dripping over my tile and carpet. “WAIT!” he screams, “there’s bees!”

I roll my eyes. Oh my God, what a baby. “Scared of a few bees, huh? Is the big bad bee gonna eat the widdle hubby-wubby” (so I was a tad bit snarky yesterday – I had kids and man dripping on my floor, kids bawling and screaming in terror, interrupting my quiet afternoon laundry folding, I was entitled to snark) Then, I happened to look past him and out to the back yard! HOLY CRAP! My back yard had entered the twilight zone, or some “B” movie. A really bad “B” movie. Something like "THE SWARM". Literally THOUSANDS of bees were hovering over the pool, and in the back yard. They settled on the side of the house, and covered the pool equipment. It really was scary, but yet you couldn’t look away. The whole side of the house and pool equipment looked like it was the large throbbing mass of life. And the noise! Unbelievable!

So Hubs called the bug guy to come out and take a look. He was going to arrive after we went left for work this morning, so Hubs left the side gate unlocked for him. Still no word from the bug guy. That means the swarm has either moved on, or I will go home to dead bug guy in my back yard - the bees ate the bug man.

Yeah, that would be a few years of therapy for the kiddos.

the post in which I prove you should not let a bored lady have a camera in the car

2006-04-25T19:23:00.000-07:00

So I was a little bored on our way to the school science fair

Princess works on her opera singing

Princess

Big Guy and his goofy grin

Big Guy and Princess

Little Man shows his funny side

Little Man

Hubs doesn't want to participate in the picture fun

Big Guy's award winning Volcano in action

My 6 things meme

2006-04-24T16:31:00.000-07:00

Vixen from Vixen's View from Vegas has tagged me! I tried to duck but she was just to fast, and got me square in the rump with the meme dart. So here it is – my 6 things you may not know about me:

1. I hate bell peppers. HATE HATE HATE! I will not eat anything that has bell peppers in them. I cannot even pick them out, because the entire food will taste like bell peppers. Same thing with mushrooms. I refuse to eat fungus.

2. I have spent a great deal of my brain power recently worrying about my mental health status. And worrying about if it is going to affect the kids when they grow up. You know – the usual “am I being a good enough parent” issues.

3. I spend a lot of time at work on the computer – not working. Ok, maybe that is one you could have guessed.

4. I hate confrontation, and will bend over backwards to avoid it.

5. I joined the drama and debate team in high school because I hate public speaking, and I hate being the center of attention. I wanted to work on those issues. Still hate them.

6. I love cheese cake. No seriously. I *heart* cheesecake. I am not a big dessert person, but I’ll eat cheesecake at anytime and anyplace. Mmmm, cheesecake. Darn it, now I am drooling.

Not sure who I should tag. How about:
My sister-in-law who rocks and kicks ass (not the awful anoying one) Stephanie at Olson's Four;
That crazy and cooky lady in Colorado Crazy in Colorado;
and - just to keep her from getting to cold up in Canada - Jodi at Blog-o-licious

Crazy Lady in Vegas

I know something you don't know...

I'm a crabby crazy lady tonight

Waiting on my gold star

The post in which I explain why I call the other sister-in-law the BAD sister-in-law

Honey, you knew this was coming....

It pays to sleep with Santa

Merry Christmas!

A letter to Santa - in his own words

This? Fun!

My fun Thursday....

Words of Wisdom

You are The Empress

I'll take a little cheese with the whine

Text messages between Spears and Hilton

Naw, he was drunk. I swear!

Hope this isn't a sign of the season

Owiee, Owiee, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch

Tuesday Morning Musings

Thursday Thirteen

This post is brought to you by the number 200 and the end of the world

of bullies and nightmares

Second Time's a Charm?

The post in which I rip a new asshole on the credit card whore at the store

Random Crap from a tired mind

Testing this new fangled technology

13 THINGS THAT BRING ME JOY (and don't cost money)

Roswell in my living room

BOO!

Rest in Peace My Friend

What I did Saturday night...

My Saturday Night

Food for Thought Friday

He He He

Thursday Thirteen

I'm wondering....

A lazy post

You'll never look at Old McDonald the same again...

By this time tomorrow, there better damn well be a cabanna boy serving me something cold and frozen....

Fun weekend, and random last minute crap

Wisdom of the ages

The *top* thirteen things that drive me totally crazy; looneytunes; batty; nuts; and up the wall

Look out Florida!

Red heads have more fun, Right?

Thursday 13

Avast me Hearties

Monday morning ramblings, and some very bad drawing

Thursday Thirteen

Whoops!

Singing along with my I-Pod

WTF?

Mindless crap floating around in my head....

Yep, them head wounds, they sure do bleed....

I thought I would give this a shot....

Trip down memory lane...

I knew it!

Shhhhhhh...

And there was great rejoicing throughout the land…..

Million Dollar Baby, part 3

Just like Tom Cruise on South Park, I'm coming out of the Closet

encouraging the exploitation of child labor

I'm in Bitchmode so watch out...

Our Lake Havasu Trip

A milestone

All in a Days Work

Murphy: Lawman or Sadistic Ass Monkey?

Let the Kanoodling Commence!

Random things I have said in the past week...

And the shit just keeps on flowing

If shit rolls down hill, then I must be below sea level

Sink or swim

Happy 4th

Problem Solver for Hire

A Million cookies

My Million Dollar Baby, part 2

Meme, meme, meme, It's all about meme

My Million Dollar Baby, Pt 1

Intermission

Crazy spoiled bitch, that's me!

Some random thoughts going thru my head this Friday

The top thirteen things that drive me totally crazy; looneytunes; batty; nuts; and up the wall